Hypochondria Champion Pillows

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

Hand Sanitizer Man, beloved superhero of every workplace in the world.

Providing Healthcare For All

"It's interpret-your-own-test-results day today."

'There's no such thing as 'ookawooka-itis' -- You have got to stop watching doctor shows!'

'I hope what I have isn't catching.'

'I've been googling your condition and I'm afraid to say...I think I might have it myself.'

A poem: With daylight's shift, winter draws near...

"Your test results are perfect and there is nothing wrong with you. We will operate on you for it tomorrow."

'Two Aspirins'...'Brain Tumor'

'It's restless leg syndrome, I just know it.'

'I just came back from the allergist. I'm allergic to life.'

CENTER FOR DISEASE CONTROL, 'Emergency, sir! -- Hypochondria has reached epidemic proportions!'

'Colds! Sore throats! Flue! Did anyone ever tell you you're a hypochondriac?'

"The doctors say you're not doing enough to diagnose yourself."

"Apparently reading about cancer can give you cancer!"

'Even I didn't realize it was a disease.'

Are you sure you're not holding your breath?

"But why not be happy about all the diseases you don't have?"

'I'm convinced I've got page 68 of my medical dictionary, doctor!'

Stay away from Pigs.

'You have a harmless but highly irritating form of nervous disorder we call D.Y.I. - Diagnosing Yourself on the Internet.'

'I can only describe it as one of those symptoms that goes away whenever I see a doctor.'

"Wow, at last! Somebody who's really ill."

'There's nothing wrong with you that a couple placebos won't cure.'

'The part of your brain you used to diagnose what is wrong with you is what is wrong with you.'

The Hypochondria Times.

'Well, we've probed and diagnosed you thoroughly and still have found nothing. Now Dr. Thompson here would like you to lie down in his office for a special 'hypochondria scan.''

'He's battling a twinge'

"He's a hypochondriac."

"He was such a hypochondriac, he insisted on being buried next to a health professional."

"Trust me, Doc, it's quicker if I tell you what doesn't hurt."

"It's okay, it only thinks it has Dutch Elm Disease!"

'Sure, the term 'lab rat' has a lot of negative connotations but having drugs tested on you isn't so bad if you're a hypochondriac...'

"In my expert medical opinion, you are suffering from hypochondria."