Hypochondria Expert Gifts

Health MOTs will attract 'worried well'.

Hand Sanitizer Man, beloved superhero of every workplace in the world.

Providing Healthcare For All

"It's interpret-your-own-test-results day today."

'There's no such thing as 'ookawooka-itis' -- You have got to stop watching doctor shows!'

'I hope what I have isn't catching.'

'I've been googling your condition and I'm afraid to say...I think I might have it myself.'

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

"Your test results are perfect and there is nothing wrong with you. We will operate on you for it tomorrow."

A poem: With daylight's shift, winter draws near...

'Two Aspirins'...'Brain Tumor'

'It's restless leg syndrome, I just know it.'

'I just came back from the allergist. I'm allergic to life.'

'Colds! Sore throats! Flue! Did anyone ever tell you you're a hypochondriac?'

CENTER FOR DISEASE CONTROL, 'Emergency, sir! -- Hypochondria has reached epidemic proportions!'

"The doctors say you're not doing enough to diagnose yourself."

I'd like a second opinion on your self-diagnosis - So a random guy from the waiting room is googling your symptoms.

"Apparently reading about cancer can give you cancer!"

'Even I didn't realize it was a disease.'

Are you sure you're not holding your breath?

"But why not be happy about all the diseases you don't have?"

'You have a harmless but highly irritating form of nervous disorder we call D.Y.I. - Diagnosing Yourself on the Internet.'

Stay away from Pigs.

'I'm convinced I've got page 68 of my medical dictionary, doctor!'

'I can only describe it as one of those symptoms that goes away whenever I see a doctor.'

"Wow, at last! Somebody who's really ill."

'The part of your brain you used to diagnose what is wrong with you is what is wrong with you.'

"He's a hypochondriac."

'He's battling a twinge'

'Well, we've probed and diagnosed you thoroughly and still have found nothing. Now Dr. Thompson here would like you to lie down in his office for a special 'hypochondria scan.''

"He was such a hypochondriac, he insisted on being buried next to a health professional."

The Hypochondria Times.

'There's nothing wrong with you that a couple placebos won't cure.'

"Trust me, Doc, it's quicker if I tell you what doesn't hurt."

"In my expert medical opinion, you are suffering from hypochondria."