Hypochondria Queen Gifts

"I've got your test results."

Lady taking her little dog to the chemist with a cough

Hand Sanitizer Man, beloved superhero of every workplace in the world.

Providing Healthcare For All

"It's interpret-your-own-test-results day today."

'There's no such thing as 'ookawooka-itis' -- You have got to stop watching doctor shows!'

'I've been googling your condition and I'm afraid to say...I think I might have it myself.'

'I hope what I have isn't catching.'

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

"Your test results are perfect and there is nothing wrong with you. We will operate on you for it tomorrow."

A poem: With daylight's shift, winter draws near...

'It's restless leg syndrome, I just know it.'

'I just came back from the allergist. I'm allergic to life.'

"Apparently reading about cancer can give you cancer!"

CENTER FOR DISEASE CONTROL, 'Emergency, sir! -- Hypochondria has reached epidemic proportions!'

'Colds! Sore throats! Flue! Did anyone ever tell you you're a hypochondriac?'

"The doctors say you're not doing enough to diagnose yourself."

'Even I didn't realize it was a disease.'

Are you sure you're not holding your breath?

Stay away from Pigs.

'You have a harmless but highly irritating form of nervous disorder we call D.Y.I. - Diagnosing Yourself on the Internet.'

'I'm convinced I've got page 68 of my medical dictionary, doctor!'

'My needles are falling! My bark is peeling! I must have Dutch Elm Disease!'

'I can only describe it as one of those symptoms that goes away whenever I see a doctor.'

'Well, we've probed and diagnosed you thoroughly and still have found nothing. Now Dr. Thompson here would like you to lie down in his office for a special 'hypochondria scan.''

'He's battling a twinge'

"He's a hypochondriac."

The Hypochondria Times.

"Wow, at last! Somebody who's really ill."

'The part of your brain you used to diagnose what is wrong with you is what is wrong with you.'

"He was such a hypochondriac, he insisted on being buried next to a health professional."

'There's nothing wrong with you that a couple placebos won't cure.'

"Trust me, Doc, it's quicker if I tell you what doesn't hurt."

"In my expert medical opinion, you are suffering from hypochondria."

'Sure, the term 'lab rat' has a lot of negative connotations but having drugs tested on you isn't so bad if you're a hypochondriac...'