Hypochondria Warrior Gifts

'I developed an anxiety disorder googling my health problem symptoms and getting 50 illness I could have.'

Providing Healthcare For All

"It's interpret-your-own-test-results day today."

'I hope what I have isn't catching.'

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

A poem: With daylight's shift, winter draws near...

'Two Aspirins'...'Brain Tumor'

"Apparently reading about cancer can give you cancer!"

"But why not be happy about all the diseases you don't have?"

'I'm convinced I've got page 68 of my medical dictionary, doctor!'

Stay away from Pigs.

'You have a harmless but highly irritating form of nervous disorder we call D.Y.I. - Diagnosing Yourself on the Internet.'

"I looked up your rash online. Have you recently been to one of the moons of Saturn? Or, it could just be poison ivy."

'There's nothing wrong with you that a couple placebos won't cure.'

'The part of your brain you used to diagnose what is wrong with you is what is wrong with you.'

"Trust me, Doc, it's quicker if I tell you what doesn't hurt."

"In my expert medical opinion, you are suffering from hypochondria."

'Oh my god... oh my god...'

Type A Flu.

"O.K. Which one of you worried well is the most worried?"

"Good news and bad. You do not have hypochondria."

How to Keep the Doctors Guessing

'Well, you are one lucky hypochondriac. There's a generic placebo for your condition.'

"You're in excellent health...until we can prove otherwise."

'It's only hypochondria, but it's a very virulent FORM of it.'

Health MOTs will attract 'worried well'.

"I've no idea where they are - maybe they're all ill."

'Nothing too serious, I think, but better safe than sorry.' 'PLAGUE!! PLAGUE!!'

"Uh-oh. . . Paper-cut!"

"The doctor says I have something called 'hypochondria'...and it's very hard to cure!"

"Hypochondriac's Handbook. Where was I?"

"Yesss, I've cured many cases of hypochondria with a hypodermic."

"Just as I thought Brian... Cybercondria."

"I think I've got analysis paralysis."

Aren't you a hypochondriac? What was that, loser? I feel warm. You're not going to trick me into thinking I have Ebola. 21 days ago, I may have ordered a pizza. The delivery boy had what might've been a Texas accent. A hospital in Texas was treating an Ebola patient. NOT FALLING FOR IT!! Everyone knows Ebola can only be transmitted through bodily fluids! The delivery boy was sweating. Sweat evaporates, right? Then it's in the air. Cough. Well-played, nemesis.