Humorous Spouse Trainer Gifts

"I love what you've done with him."

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

"Happy anniversary, dear… 'happy wife, happy life!'" "That's because nothing rhymes with 'happy husband.'"

"Just a minute, Mister. You're not going out of here looking like that."

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

'Well, that's just great...you can part the Red Sea, but you can't open a jar of pickles for me!'

'Either you do or you don't - there isn't any 'cooling-off' period!'

Odysseus starts regretting his return to Ithaca.

"I see marriage as a verb, he sees it as a triathlon."

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

'Doris,do you realize you are destroying a perfectly happy marriage?'

'Looks like the Wentworths are still on the outs.'

'It's true that my wife does forgive and forget - the trouble is that she never forgets what she's forgiven...'

'I bet he starts with a joke!'

"You call that worrying?"

"I decided to spend the money and have my legs waxed."

"Son, the key to a happy marriage is listening, or at least purr and pretend you are."

"I'm afraid your wife gets to say 'I told you so.'"

"What do you mean I never take you anywhere? We're here, aren't we?"

'I've changed my mind Donald. I don't want to put a little spice back into our marriage anymore.'

'Toilet paper, Lassie! Fetch toilet paper! Stupid mutt!'

'I think he's in too much pain to answer!'

"You're only as old as you feel, right, honey? And today, I feel like being 24!"

"Oh, my husband is a great provider: his hunting success rate is close to 30%..."

"My husband is missing. I haven't seen him since he started wearing camouflage clothes."

'My wife likes it when I help out in the kitchen.'

'The rain must have made our garage shrink...'

'You're three o'clock cancelled, the Parson deal is ending, and your husband wants to know if the dishes are dirty or clean.'

"No heroic measures."