Humorous Spouse Trainer Gifts

"I love what you've done with him."

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

"Happy anniversary, dear… 'happy wife, happy life!'" "That's because nothing rhymes with 'happy husband.'"

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

"Just a minute, Mister. You're not going out of here looking like that."

'Well, that's just great...you can part the Red Sea, but you can't open a jar of pickles for me!'

'Either you do or you don't - there isn't any 'cooling-off' period!'

"I see marriage as a verb, he sees it as a triathlon."

Odysseus starts regretting his return to Ithaca.

'Doris,do you realize you are destroying a perfectly happy marriage?'

'It's true that my wife does forgive and forget - the trouble is that she never forgets what she's forgiven...'

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

'Looks like the Wentworths are still on the outs.'

'I bet he starts with a joke!'

"My husband is missing. I haven't seen him since he started wearing camouflage clothes."

"You're only as old as you feel, right, honey? And today, I feel like being 24!"

"I decided to spend the money and have my legs waxed."

"Son, the key to a happy marriage is listening, or at least purr and pretend you are."

"No heroic measures."

Sorry, I'm already spoken for.

"What do you mean I never take you anywhere? We're here, aren't we?"

'I think he's in too much pain to answer!'

"I'm afraid your wife gets to say 'I told you so.'"

'You're three o'clock cancelled, the Parson deal is ending, and your husband wants to know if the dishes are dirty or clean.'

'Toilet paper, Lassie! Fetch toilet paper! Stupid mutt!'

'Wow, that was unforgettable.'-'What was?'

"You call that worrying?"

'My wife likes it when I help out in the kitchen.'

"This next tune is dedicated to my wife, who is currently away on a cruise. I call it, 'The Devil and the Deep Blue Sea'."

We need to keep him a few days, but we can loan you a courtesy husband until he's ready to go home.

'I've changed my mind Donald. I don't want to put a little spice back into our marriage anymore.'

"Oh, my husband is a great provider: his hunting success rate is close to 30%..."