Humorous Home Defender Gifts

The Crime, to the Best of Tiger's Recollection

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

'...and remember, son, never throw up on an old carpet...wait until they get a new one!'

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

Yard Sale

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

It's from the homeowners association --- They want me to stop leaving my worries on the doorstep.

'Beware you don't trip over him!'

'I didn't hear you calling. I can't listen to everybody who yells at me.'

"Brutus! Attack with reasonable force!"

Vocation,vocation,vocation.

"I see the cat's left us another little offering."

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

'Classic literature for D.I.Y. haters'

Please Wait Here To Be Scolded

'How long did you try before calling?'

Carpet Cows

'She let the bedbugs bite.'

Dog Bookends

"The piano's in tune, but the house is a little flat."

"And that was my day at the office. Thanks, Alice, you've been a great audience!"

"It's not much, but we've made it our own living hell."

VARIOUS ITEMS OF LABELLED KITCHENWARE.

"Bloody cold-callers - I'm gonna give him a piece of my mind. . .!!"

We all have our jobs to do here --- You guard against burglars and I'm the food critic.

Need something from the fridge? This looks like a job for...Indoorman!

'You may be the CEO of a large corporation, but at home you're an OMW, observe my whims!'

"You rang?"

'Don't worry about your daughter Sir: I'll find us a dump to live in...'

'I hear a burglar downstairs, the poor fool.'

"Okay, I get the message."

"I bought this awesome wonder bra."

Who left their dishes in the sink? Life at the Petri Household.

Man with fly swat - Let the games begin.

'You called a plumber!'