Humorous Home Decorator Gifts

'It also makes a great hat rack.'

'I wonder if they have any water filters?'

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

Dog Hunting Trophies.

Frog to other frog: 'Hey, nice pad.'

Aqua Filter (frog jumping out).

"I love these old decorations!"

'I've had the place gob-stopper-dashed.'

'Oh, just chuck it in a corner somewhere...'

"Are you looking for metric or imperial sized neck bolts?"

'Okay, kids...time for your bath.'

"Oh just ignore him!...he always shows off when we have visitors!"

Duvet nailed to the floor.

'I found out how to redecorate the easy way - just call the old wallpaper names and it will come down to slap you!'

'On today's market a property like this could fetch 175k... but with themed rooms, stone cladding, avocado bathroom suite and garden gnomes, you're talking closer to 95..!'

'It's a coffee-book table.'

"Oh that, that's my holiday home."

'I wasn't to know it's a live shell officer, we've been using it as a door-stop for years!'

'I don't want to be a nuisance, you can shoot me if it's more convenient.'

How to Build a Bungalow

'I told you I didn't want to talk about it!'

Dog Bookends

It' complications galore for Sparky when easy-to-assemble instructions are read upside down.

Superintendent

"Buying the largest TV on the market was a good idea. Mounting it was not."

Home Sweet Home.

'When did you get a ceiling fan?'

"Are you willing to relocate?"

"The decorator was here. He said we should have a room in which we don't sit down."

Uses for Deactivated Missiles: Objects d'Art

"So does George still enjoy his woodworking?"

'We decided to rent out the back room until the baby comes.'

Do it yourself -- get someone else to do it -- get son to do it -- pay -- don't bother doing it -- move house

Shaker furniture: The flamboyant years.