Home Decor Humorist Gifts

Goldfish in Bowl, "And this is the sitting room and the bedroom and the toilet and...."

"The carpet really brings the room together."

'Hey, I love the moat.'

"Quickfloor!"

'I hired a decorator.'

Armchair on Stilts

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

'I think the flat screen TV goes well next to my flat headed husband.'

'Dining table. Seats six people, with square legs.'

"Well, if I can't throw them, why are they called 'throw pillows'?"

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

Frog to other frog: 'Hey, nice pad.'

Still Life With Nordic Track

'I've had the place gob-stopper-dashed.'

Aqua Filter (frog jumping out).

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

Yard Sale

"Are you looking for metric or imperial sized neck bolts?"

'Oh, just chuck it in a corner somewhere...'

Duvet nailed to the floor.

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

'On today's market a property like this could fetch 175k... but with themed rooms, stone cladding, avocado bathroom suite and garden gnomes, you're talking closer to 95..!'

It's from the homeowners association --- They want me to stop leaving my worries on the doorstep.

'I don't want to be a nuisance, you can shoot me if it's more convenient.'

'Beware you don't trip over him!'

How to Build a Bungalow

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

'Classic literature for D.I.Y. haters'

"Buying the largest TV on the market was a good idea. Mounting it was not."

'I put lint tape all over his onesie so that, as he crawls around, he picks up the dog hair.'

Carpet Cows

'She let the bedbugs bite.'

Dog Bookends

It' complications galore for Sparky when easy-to-assemble instructions are read upside down.

'When did you get a ceiling fan?'