Humorous Card Occasion Gifts

"Wow, I wish I'd thought of that! My last words were pretty naf."

'Ya gotta love the way this farmer gets into Halloween spirit.'

'You'll be getting $5,000 worth of doggy treats this week. If your owner sees the charge on his credit card, you don't know me.'

"Captain, we've taken on strippers."

'After a Gadzillon glasses of milk and cookies who wouldn't have an upset stomach?'

". . . and that dumb Mrs. Parker could have figured I had the Ace, King and Jack, but no, she goes ahead bidding in hearts. . ."

"it's just... we're too lazy to have any of our own."

Solitaire card shark.

Happy Valentine's Day

Strange Aftertaste birthday cards.

I need a Valentine card that proclaims undying love but doesn't commit me to anything.

'He's not leaving, but if we collect enough, he might.'

'They wouldn't let him graduate from obedience school - he bit the valedictorian.'

2After using the Internet all day, Brad doesn't like any kind of popup."

"It's unrealistic for us to have a chimney, tree, or stockings, so you can forget about Santa."

'Look pal, we're friends and all, but you need to get out more, meet some people...'

'I'm sorry, but I don't know where 'this is'. I, too, am a stranger here.'

Tooty-Fruity

I think the best part was when we decided not to record it.

Helicopter as a clothes drier

'I just feel so much better buying the free range Pinatas.'

I brought a little ice breaker.'

'Great job! -- Take the rest of the day off!'

"I have this 'I love Susie' tattoo on my chest and I married Doreen yesterday!"

'Why do I go out with a short, fat, bald guy like you? Well for one thing, you make me look good.'

"Writing Christmas cards shouldn't be this complicated dear!"

'Is this your son? We need to talk!'

Jack's Cards

Fakir being hurt by acupuncture.

'I know I don't have much saved up, but I really need to retire before the end of the month.'

"I know this is heaven! This is the lightest I've ever been"

Father Christmases Hand Over the New World Crisis

'Do you know what?... I wish I'd learnt how to swim!'

An imprisoned reflection

"Well this is awkward!"