Humorist Of Hauntings Pillows

'I am the ghost of Christmas future...with fries!'

Zombie standup

"To be honest, I don't believe in ghosts."

One vampire tricks another behind a mirror.

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

'Missed again, eh, Bob? Maybe you should switch to decaf!'

Grim Reaper rowing a boat full of dead souls to the afterlife; a tip jar sits on the side of the boat.

"Hey, I'm just playing devil's avocado!"

"Yeah, I'm moonlighting. It's a living."

Dr. Frankenstein creates his newest monster, Frankenmime.

'Yes, the treestand's maximum weight capacity is 300 pounds, you weigh 301 pounds.'

Inflatable Duck Boat

"And this Halloween, try not to make a specter of yourself."

'Transylvania's most famous Optometrist 'Count Mracula'.'

"Johnson, you're new here, right? Mind if I pick your brain?"

'When we bought this place we thought we'd only be making wine. Apparently, we're also into spirits.'

The spirit in the wall would go on and ond, but Alvin never let it bother him.

'It's a little varietal I bottle myself...Type A positive.'

"Some Debussy, Igor."

"Well, sir, it looks like things are getting pretty serious for Peter and Pauline."

Cat Frankenstein

Fancy a pint?

"Sometime I feel people go out of their way just to scare me."

...your sales are rather anemic

The Zombie Awakes...

'It's only the library ghost - he was a great poet but a failed novelist.'

'You got twenty years for hunting without a license? Kind of stiff, isn't it?'

Polterguest: "When is your brother going to leave? He's driving me crazy!"

'I was on my way to Heaven, when they stumbled across my blog...'

"We remain reasonably confident that once we nail down the little network problem we're having, all Hell will be able to break loose according to the modified schedule, which, unfortunately, is in a file we can't seem to locate right now."

'Can I see your license,please?'

"I feel proud of the success I've made, thanks for all your support."