Haunting Humorist Pillows

'We're very lucky, really, with our poltergeist.'

Polterguest: "When is your brother going to leave? He's driving me crazy!"

"And this Halloween, try not to make a specter of yourself."

'Why are ghosts bad at telling lies?'

Sir Roderick was an earthbound spirit.

My post got six "yikes".

"Is everything ok? You've hardly said 'Boo' all evening."

"Well, like they say. . . keep you friends close, and your entities closer!"

Sir Gilbert Murgatroyd

Zombie standup

Don't be fooled by the theatrics. She'll only suck your sap!

One vampire tricks another behind a mirror.

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

'Missed again, eh, Bob? Maybe you should switch to decaf!'

"Yeah, I'm moonlighting. It's a living."

"I hope that's low calorie eye of newt."

Dr. Frankenstein creates his newest monster, Frankenmime.

"Sorry. My blood sugar has just been running a little low lately."

Macbeth: Take Two

'Transylvania's most famous Optometrist 'Count Mracula'.'

"I'd like to buy a BOWEL."

Ghost puddle

Inflatable Duck Boat

'Yes, the treestand's maximum weight capacity is 300 pounds, you weigh 301 pounds.'

Job Safety - Pumpkin.

The following is a paid political announcement.

"Johnson, you're new here, right? Mind if I pick your brain?"

"Well, sir, it looks like things are getting pretty serious for Peter and Pauline."

Fancy a pint?

'I'm not a 'Ghost', I'm an Ectoplasmic American.'

'Let's skip Mr. Arnold's house. He's the dog catcher.'

"Some Debussy, Igor."

Cat Frankenstein

Curse my curiosity and four stomachs!

'It's a little varietal I bottle myself...Type A positive.'