Paranormal Humorist Pillows

"Damn, of all the times to have an out of body experience."

"Don't wait for him—it's not our fault that idiot chose a weighted blanket."

'I found all the texts from her on your phone, George. It's over. From now on, you're alive to me!'

"Objection, your Honor! This is clearly an immaterial witness!"

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

'Think I preferred the old Irish barman.'

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

Don't be fooled by the theatrics. She'll only suck your sap!

"Gee, thanks pal."

One vampire tricks another behind a mirror.

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

"Yeah, I'm moonlighting. It's a living."

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

"I hope that's low calorie eye of newt."

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

'I don't think the employees like me.'

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

Dr. Frankenstein creates his newest monster, Frankenmime.

"I'm starting my own movement—Occupy Fifty-Seventh Street."

"Staring down the enemy in the heat of battle! That is how sausage is made!"

"Sorry. My blood sugar has just been running a little low lately."

Macbeth: Take Two

"I'd like to buy a BOWEL."

'Transylvania's most famous Optometrist 'Count Mracula'.'

Looks Like They're Finally Renovating The Toilet

"And this Halloween, try not to make a specter of yourself."

"I swear, Mr. Drumpf, I meant it in the best sense of the word." "Mr. Drumpf is a moron."

Ghost puddle

Job Safety - Pumpkin.