Haunting Humor Pillows

"Boy, I get booed everytime I perform here."

Zombie standup

Don't be fooled by the theatrics. She'll only suck your sap!

"Can't you do something more creative than messing around with cupboard doors?"

One vampire tricks another behind a mirror.

"Yeah, I'm moonlighting. It's a living."

"I hope that's low calorie eye of newt."

Dr. Frankenstein creates his newest monster, Frankenmime.

"Sorry. My blood sugar has just been running a little low lately."

Macbeth: Take Two

'Transylvania's most famous Optometrist 'Count Mracula'.'

"Sweetie, I'm back from the dead!"

"And this Halloween, try not to make a specter of yourself."

Job Safety - Pumpkin.

"Johnson, you're new here, right? Mind if I pick your brain?"

The following is a paid political announcement.

'It's a little varietal I bottle myself...Type A positive.'

"Well, sir, it looks like things are getting pretty serious for Peter and Pauline."

'Let's skip Mr. Arnold's house. He's the dog catcher.'

Fancy a pint?

Cat Frankenstein

"Some Debussy, Igor."

"Sometime I feel people go out of their way just to scare me."

'You complete me.'

...your sales are rather anemic

'I am the ghost of Christmas future...with fries!'

"Well, we got the grant."

The Zombie Awakes...

'It's your turn to put the cat out.'

Polterguest: "When is your brother going to leave? He's driving me crazy!"

'His Trout Almondine Veal Cordon Blue in mushroom sauce was crudely seasoned.'