Humor Occasions Pillows

'They wouldn't let him graduate from obedience school - he bit the valedictorian.'

'So let me see if I've got it straight. It was a very large squirrel and your husband is a nut.'

Billy. The Kid.

"Been following me around all morning. I think it's the new intern."

"She's a dachshund-lemming mix."

'Your thesis on 'how to keep warm in winter'? Interesting.'

It is believed dear Jack finally figured out women. Trouble is, he died laughing before he could tell anybody.

Fat Kid 14- Gets re-animated

Aggression/Security

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

"Only one of us can be 'The Funny One'."

'Kids like my presents, but do they really like me?'

'Leap frog? No thanks- I'm a toad.'

''Exercise'? -- But I hate to eat and run!'

Wall Street...

"Hi, my name is Rudolph." "Hi Rudolph." "And I have a drinking problem." "Hi Rudolph." "Hi Rudolph." "Hi Rudolph." "Hi Rudolph." "Hi Rudolph."

"Today's special is we'll pull the plug on the jukebox if someone else's music annoys you."

'It's not Spring yet! Go back to sleep!'

"Damn it, Hopkins, didn't you get yesterday's memo?"

"Boss, can you check the address again? I have a bad feeling about this one."

"Dear Santa, This Christmas please send clothes for all those poor naked girls on daddy's computer. Love, Veronica"

"it's just... we're too lazy to have any of our own."

"Hey, Zorro! You forgot your mask."

'Yeah, I hate change, too.'

"Just because you can go around the world in one night doesn't mean you can also do your taxes that way!"

'Hey Dave, check out the kinky underwear this chick is taking on her trip!'

"Such a heavenly night I spent in your bed."

"Doesn't it seem like we just finished letting the air out of last year's tree?"

Santa Enjoys Venison.

Peace Negotiator now available for Weddings, Funerals, Christenings, Barmitzvah

"..and you'll also need Percy here, his interpreter"

'Too much hazel, not enough nut.'

"Wake up, Jane! There's a giant talking squirrel at the end of your bed!"

'I kept wondering for years...am I red with white stripes or white with red stripes? I became so mixed up. Now, look at me.'

'You're seeing someone else, aren't you?'