Moments Of Humor Pillows

"It's a letter from the Vatican. They say that whilst walking the streets without stepping into dog poo is nearly as miraculous as walking on water, it's not sufficient to canonize me!"

"It says: 'The teamwork that got you here is the real treasure.' Aww."

Malfunctioning geyser

'Before we staqrt biting do you practice catch and release?'

"Hey team, meet our new V.P. of acquisitions and mergers." (businessman introducing a vicking, barbarian)

Apricots

All this pressure to be the perfect storm...

"This does not make us friends."

"No, I said to swab the deck!"

'You're going the wrong way, Ben!'

Dave took his motto, 'Roofing done in one hour' seriously, even nailing shingles before plywood had been put down.

'You can hit out of the trap or take a 2 stroke penalty.'

'I sort of drifted into this...I always wanted to do children's gymkhanas.'

"First of all, kudos on landing a corner office."

'...and don't think I didn't see that flying tackle.'

Wind shear - 81 st and Lex

'I'm afraid that driving the getaway car is more than just a driving offence, Mr. Jones.'

"In school I got punished for copying, yet now it's all I'm asked to do."

"Would you mind if my new friend Ted joins us?

Corona virus: "Wow, I seem to be getting lots of attention lately."

'I perched on Blackbeard's shoulder for three years, then went to work for Long-John Silver...'

"Of course I'm self-absorbed. I'm a sponge!"

"Yes, I know darling, getting a sore throat is bad: it really hurts to swallow..."

'It's yet another customer survey asking about our last oil change. Was it poor, fair, very good, blissful or orgasmic?'

"The computers are down. You'll just have to suffer and go outside and play."

'Excluding our little granddaughter who called me 'orrible old smellypops!'

"The parrot you sold me will only through his lawyer!"

Two cosa nostra gangsters sipping tea.

Watch out for number one.

'To get ahead in business, you can't lose your head. Pun intended.'