Moments Of Humor Pillows

"I don't have the heart to tell her."

"It's a letter from the Vatican. They say that whilst walking the streets without stepping into dog poo is nearly as miraculous as walking on water, it's not sufficient to canonize me!"

"It says: 'The teamwork that got you here is the real treasure.' Aww."

Welcome Association of Stage Builders.

'Now, remember...let me do the talking.'

Malfunctioning geyser

All this pressure to be the perfect storm...

Apricots

"Hey team, meet our new V.P. of acquisitions and mergers." (businessman introducing a vicking, barbarian)

'Before we staqrt biting do you practice catch and release?'

"This does not make us friends."

'You're going the wrong way, Ben!'

"No, I said to swab the deck!"

Dave took his motto, 'Roofing done in one hour' seriously, even nailing shingles before plywood had been put down.

'You can hit out of the trap or take a 2 stroke penalty.'

Mister Oedipus.

Wind shear - 81 st and Lex

"Sure, I may be over the top, but at least I'm not underhanded like him!"

'I sort of drifted into this...I always wanted to do children's gymkhanas.'

'...and don't think I didn't see that flying tackle.'

"First of all, kudos on landing a corner office."

"We never talk about anything. 'Me Tarzan, you Jane. Me Tarzan, you Jane.' That's all he ever says."

'I'm afraid that driving the getaway car is more than just a driving offence, Mr. Jones.'

"Would you mind if my new friend Ted joins us?

'I perched on Blackbeard's shoulder for three years, then went to work for Long-John Silver...'

"Yes, I know darling, getting a sore throat is bad: it really hurts to swallow..."

"In school I got punished for copying, yet now it's all I'm asked to do."

Corona virus: "Wow, I seem to be getting lots of attention lately."

"Of course I'm self-absorbed. I'm a sponge!"

'It's yet another customer survey asking about our last oil change. Was it poor, fair, very good, blissful or orgasmic?'

"The computers are down. You'll just have to suffer and go outside and play."

'Well, this is a first- you seem to be allergic to distilled water.'

'Excluding our little granddaughter who called me 'orrible old smellypops!'

'To get ahead in business, you can't lose your head. Pun intended.'

"The parrot you sold me will only through his lawyer!"