Humor Merchant Gifts

"I don't know who gets involved in all this 24 hour binge drinking...I'm usually arseoled after 8."

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

Don't tell my wife. Dragon head.

"Some idiot spread the rumour that the boss had called in sick! Now look what's happened to the tobacco and coffee stocks!"

"Before we made the leap to cyberspace, our stockholders made us promise we'd maintain a traditional street presence, too!"

Ten business commandments, city trading floor

"Today, the yen shot up on news it is spelled differently from the 'Yuan'."

Seven deadly sins store

'No, Johnny - first you punch the airholes, and then you put in the hamster!'

"...And don't forget to include the receipts!"

"You can't beat the prices of these big box retailers."

'Today stocks dropped on news that the only thing to fear is everything.'

'Yes?'

Bookshop with Best sellers getting pushed into the Remainders basket.

Great moments in shopping

"Let's see now; rat's gizzard, bats wings, eye of newt....oh, yes. And cornflakes!"

Free Range / Deranged

'In today's stocks... small caps rose on news big company stocks fell...'

"I'm not sure. Maybe it's my wife's butt size I'm thinking of!"

New: imitation spaghetti - Impasta.

"Did you say 'plummet', Mr. Casey? We don't use that word around here. We say 'downtick'."

"Oh. The store is closed?"

"Instead of BOGOFS, I'm going to implement FUCOFS."

''Have you got any cockroaches?"

Dollar sign balloon.

"If I keep predicting a market crash, eventually I'll have to be right!"

'He certainly knows how to make a customer feel welcome.'

"If you want something firmer, I suggest you try our flooring department."

Fresh milk - Self service

'All these bailouts are silly - why don't they just give everybody their own ATM machines?'

How much money do you want? How much have you got?

Computer that runs on money.

“Ever thought of changing your name?”

HMRC Self-Assessment - Poor

'Unexpected item in bagging area.'