Humor Merchant Gifts

"I don't know who gets involved in all this 24 hour binge drinking...I'm usually arseoled after 8."

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

"Some idiot spread the rumour that the boss had called in sick! Now look what's happened to the tobacco and coffee stocks!"

"Before we made the leap to cyberspace, our stockholders made us promise we'd maintain a traditional street presence, too!"

Ten business commandments, city trading floor

"Today, the yen shot up on news it is spelled differently from the 'Yuan'."

Seven deadly sins store

"...And don't forget to include the receipts!"

"You can't beat the prices of these big box retailers."

'No, Johnny - first you punch the airholes, and then you put in the hamster!'

'Today stocks dropped on news that the only thing to fear is everything.'

Great moments in shopping

Bookshop with Best sellers getting pushed into the Remainders basket.

"Let's see now; rat's gizzard, bats wings, eye of newt....oh, yes. And cornflakes!"

Free Range / Deranged

'In today's stocks... small caps rose on news big company stocks fell...'

New: imitation spaghetti - Impasta.

''Have you got any cockroaches?"

"I'm not sure. Maybe it's my wife's butt size I'm thinking of!"

Dollar sign balloon.

"Instead of BOGOFS, I'm going to implement FUCOFS."

"Did you say 'plummet', Mr. Casey? We don't use that word around here. We say 'downtick'."

"Oh. The store is closed?"

"If I keep predicting a market crash, eventually I'll have to be right!"

"If you want something firmer, I suggest you try our flooring department."

Fresh milk - Self service

'All these bailouts are silly - why don't they just give everybody their own ATM machines?'

“Ever thought of changing your name?”

How much money do you want? How much have you got?

Computer that runs on money.

HMRC Self-Assessment - Poor

'Unexpected item in bagging area.'

"Head office told our boss to speed up the checkout process...but he misinterpreted and sped up the conveyor belt instead."