Humor In Banking Gifts

'I suppose a loan to send them to summer camp could be called a home improvement loan.'

"Before we discuss your loan, Mr Carlson, perhaps you'd like to spend a few moments with out bank chaplain."

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

"I recommend you invest in oil. Prices are down now, but auto leaks are up."

"Sorry, but you're a loan risk."

'I feel I owe a lot to my country.' - 'So, you haven't paid your income tax again.'

'Can you get me in touch with people that own me money?'

'Give Me All The Money In My Account'

Screw up Assange's finances and I'm closing my accounts.

'I'd like to apply for a job as a predatory lender.'

"I only invest in alternative meat products, so I reject the terms 'Bull' and 'Bear'."

'I need a loan or a bailout so I can evolve,'

Secret Identity Theft.

'Contract? No contract. We do all our business with nothing more than a handshake.'

"There's a $2.00 service fee for that friendly greeting."

'There's a five dollar discrepancy in my bank balance. Would you mind if I counted the money?'

'If you're opening a joint account, Dr. Jekyll, the other account holder has to be here to sign.'

'A rogue nation robbed the World Bank!'

"Sorry, but we're only accepting deposits at this time."

'Sorry. We've had to close your 'chicken' account ma'am. Everything you write bounces.'

'You hold no authority that will allow you passage, and are ignorant of the magic password ... can you at LEAST tell me your mother's maiden name?'

Harvest Data Festival

'With all due respect for your horoscope, your loan payment is still due today.'

'We've discovered the Cave of Missing Accounting Ledgers.'

"The Bank has returned the rent cheque marked 'Insufficient funds', but it doesn't say whether that's them or us!"

Full Service ATM: "Do you want fries with that?"

Cashier for Decoration Purposes Only

Squirrel Pyramid Scheme

PANIC!

'I'm afraid you'll have to get this hold-up note initialled at our withdrawals counter.'

"Hands up!"

"The Good Lord is an excellent reference, but without a phone number..."

"But the good news is that if you get a life threatening illness...then you'd get a decent payout."