Banking Humor Lovers Gifts

'Now you've signed all your assets over to the bank, I'm happy to lend you your bus fare home.'

"There's a $2.00 service fee for that friendly greeting."

Confidential loans.

'It's the World Bank -- all the social security checks bounced!'

"Once upon a time there was a kind old bank that did not charge its customers a fee."

"Dang! I forgot my Ass. T.M card."

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

'The bank says they're freezing my assets! I don't understand: They've always been frozen...'

'We've reached the thirty percent cut in operating expenses you wanted and we're the only two left in the building.'

'I consider myself to be a sophisticated investor. I would never invest in penny stocks. I lost all of my money investing with a brokerage specializing in nickel stocks.'

"Sorry, but you're a loan risk."

'Well, son... I've made my first million by selling my unpaid bills to the paper-recycling guy!'

"Before we discuss your loan, Mr Carlson, perhaps you'd like to spend a few moments with out bank chaplain."

'Give Me All The Money In My Account'

Screw up Assange's finances and I'm closing my accounts.

'I need a loan or a bailout so I can evolve,'

'I'd like to apply for a job as a predatory lender.'

Secret Identity Theft.

Life plan

'Contract? No contract. We do all our business with nothing more than a handshake.'

'There's a five dollar discrepancy in my bank balance. Would you mind if I counted the money?'

'If you're opening a joint account, Dr. Jekyll, the other account holder has to be here to sign.'

'I suppose a loan to send them to summer camp could be called a home improvement loan.'

Harvest Data Festival

'Sorry. We've had to close your 'chicken' account ma'am. Everything you write bounces.'

"Sorry, but we're only accepting deposits at this time."

'A rogue nation robbed the World Bank!'

The cost of bringing up children soars to more than £140,000.

'You hold no authority that will allow you passage, and are ignorant of the magic password ... can you at LEAST tell me your mother's maiden name?'

'With all due respect for your horoscope, your loan payment is still due today.'

In a Kitchen Cupboard, somewhere on Wall St...fortunes changed!!

'Since stocks are so wacko now,I'm advising clients to go with their lucky numbers on lotto tickets.'

Full Service ATM: "Do you want fries with that?"

Cashier for Decoration Purposes Only

"Hands up!"