Banking Humor Appreciator Gifts

Stand-Up Comedy for Bankers

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

God bless our home equity line of credit.

"Sorry, but you're a loan risk."

"Before we discuss your loan, Mr Carlson, perhaps you'd like to spend a few moments with out bank chaplain."

'Give Me All The Money In My Account'

'I need a loan or a bailout so I can evolve,'

Screw up Assange's finances and I'm closing my accounts.

'I'd like to apply for a job as a predatory lender.'

"There's a $2.00 service fee for that friendly greeting."

'I suppose a loan to send them to summer camp could be called a home improvement loan.'

'There's a five dollar discrepancy in my bank balance. Would you mind if I counted the money?'

'You hold no authority that will allow you passage, and are ignorant of the magic password ... can you at LEAST tell me your mother's maiden name?'

Harvest Data Festival

'A rogue nation robbed the World Bank!'

"Sorry, but we're only accepting deposits at this time."

'With all due respect for your horoscope, your loan payment is still due today.'

Cashier for Decoration Purposes Only

Full Service ATM: "Do you want fries with that?"

"The Good Lord is an excellent reference, but without a phone number..."

"Hands up!"

"And do you have any other form of security against a loan other than this 'Good times are coming' horoscope?"

'I'm afraid you'll have to get this hold-up note initialled at our withdrawals counter.'

PANIC!

'My hedge fund just got trimmed!'

'You built this with our venture capital. Now we would like our 60%.'

'Oh no! They've turned my internet bank into a bar...'

'Sir, the drive-thru window is on the other side of the building.'

'All of you get your hands in the air and give me all your money!'

'Sorry, we don't make loans.'

"Collateral? How about I teach you what ties to avoid?"

"Once upon a time there was a kind old bank that did not charge its customers a fee."