Banking Comedy Gifts

"Yes, we do make car loans, but you CAN'T borrow my car."

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

"Sorry, but you're a loan risk."

"Before we discuss your loan, Mr Carlson, perhaps you'd like to spend a few moments with out bank chaplain."

'To placate the public, we've done away with the cash bonuses and have found another way to compensate you.'

'I thought up the term 'too big to fail'. So where's my bonus?'

'Give Me All The Money In My Account'

'I need a loan or a bailout so I can evolve,'

Secret Identity Theft.

Screw up Assange's finances and I'm closing my accounts.

'I'd like to apply for a job as a predatory lender.'

'Contract? No contract. We do all our business with nothing more than a handshake.'

"There's a $2.00 service fee for that friendly greeting."

'I suppose a loan to send them to summer camp could be called a home improvement loan.'

'If you're opening a joint account, Dr. Jekyll, the other account holder has to be here to sign.'

'There's a five dollar discrepancy in my bank balance. Would you mind if I counted the money?'

Harvest Data Festival

'You hold no authority that will allow you passage, and are ignorant of the magic password ... can you at LEAST tell me your mother's maiden name?'

'Sorry. We've had to close your 'chicken' account ma'am. Everything you write bounces.'

Visit to the Bank Manager, "Marrying my daughter isn't the sort of security I had in mind, Harry!"

'A rogue nation robbed the World Bank!'

"Sorry, but we're only accepting deposits at this time."

"I heard you are charging a monthly fee for using your debit card, and I'm here to complain!"

Cashier for Decoration Purposes Only

Full Service ATM: "Do you want fries with that?"

'Your mom likes you ... well, heck, that's all we need.'

"Hands up!"

PANIC!

'Oog decided to become a predatory LENDER.'

"And do you have any other form of security against a loan other than this 'Good times are coming' horoscope?"

'I want to open a joint account with the riches man in town. . .'

"The Good Lord is an excellent reference, but without a phone number..."

'I'm afraid you'll have to get this hold-up note initialled at our withdrawals counter.'

"The bank has completed the loan application review phase. We're now in the loan denial phase."

'Oh no! They've turned my internet bank into a bar...'