Banking Comedy Fans Gifts

Bank. New Accounts. Would you like to be able to access this account from other ATM's? No, I'd like to be able to access other accounts from this ATM.

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

"Sure, it may be great for us, but it's hell on the markets."

"Sorry, but you're a loan risk."

Black hole-in-the-wall at Jodrell Bank

'Give Me All The Money In My Account'

'You won't feel a thing. We make a small incision in your wallet and...'

'I need a loan or a bailout so I can evolve,'

Secret Identity Theft.

Screw up Assange's finances and I'm closing my accounts.

IRS. That was a rough audit. They disallowed all of my deductions! You can't claim all these people as dependents ... The business expenses are not correct ... and the charitable contributions don't meet guidelines. You're shredding my return with that?! Wow! Ut was The Taxes Chainsaw Massacre!

'I'd like to apply for a job as a predatory lender.'

'Contract? No contract. We do all our business with nothing more than a handshake.'

"There's a $2.00 service fee for that friendly greeting."

'There's a five dollar discrepancy in my bank balance. Would you mind if I counted the money?'

'If you're opening a joint account, Dr. Jekyll, the other account holder has to be here to sign.'

Harvest Data Festival

'You hold no authority that will allow you passage, and are ignorant of the magic password ... can you at LEAST tell me your mother's maiden name?'

'Sorry. We've had to close your 'chicken' account ma'am. Everything you write bounces.'

"Sorry, but we're only accepting deposits at this time."

'A rogue nation robbed the World Bank!'

'With all due respect for your horoscope, your loan payment is still due today.'

Full Service ATM: "Do you want fries with that?"

Cashier for Decoration Purposes Only

"The Good Lord is an excellent reference, but without a phone number..."

"And do you have any other form of security against a loan other than this 'Good times are coming' horoscope?"

"Hands up!"

'I'm afraid you'll have to get this hold-up note initialled at our withdrawals counter.'

"It's our bank with some disturbing news. . . someone hacked into our account and paid all our bills."

PANIC!

'Sir, the drive-thru window is on the other side of the building.'

'Oh no! They've turned my internet bank into a bar...'

I'm thinking of taking the next step and becoming a snail...what mortgages have you got to offer?

'Sorry, we don't make loans.'

"Once upon a time there was a kind old bank that did not charge its customers a fee."