Banking Comedy Fans Gifts

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

"Sure, it may be great for us, but it's hell on the markets."

"Sorry, but you're a loan risk."

Black hole-in-the-wall at Jodrell Bank

'Give Me All The Money In My Account'

'You won't feel a thing. We make a small incision in your wallet and...'

'I need a loan or a bailout so I can evolve,'

Screw up Assange's finances and I'm closing my accounts.

'I'd like to apply for a job as a predatory lender.'

"There's a $2.00 service fee for that friendly greeting."

'There's a five dollar discrepancy in my bank balance. Would you mind if I counted the money?'

'A rogue nation robbed the World Bank!'

Harvest Data Festival

"Sorry, but we're only accepting deposits at this time."

'You hold no authority that will allow you passage, and are ignorant of the magic password ... can you at LEAST tell me your mother's maiden name?'

'With all due respect for your horoscope, your loan payment is still due today.'

Full Service ATM: "Do you want fries with that?"

Cashier for Decoration Purposes Only

"The Good Lord is an excellent reference, but without a phone number..."

"It's our bank with some disturbing news. . . someone hacked into our account and paid all our bills."

"Hands up!"

PANIC!

'I'm afraid you'll have to get this hold-up note initialled at our withdrawals counter.'

"And do you have any other form of security against a loan other than this 'Good times are coming' horoscope?"

'Oh no! They've turned my internet bank into a bar...'

'Sir, the drive-thru window is on the other side of the building.'

'Sorry, we don't make loans.'

"Collateral? How about I teach you what ties to avoid?"

'Well £60 million is LESS than I'm used to...but now that we've agreed my bonus, what working capital will the Bank have?'

I'm thinking of taking the next step and becoming a snail...what mortgages have you got to offer?