Humor Hound Fans Pillows

'Meet my significant other.'

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

"Better bring me another cookie. The last one fell in the water."

'Yes, I know there's a deadline on this project.'

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

'Wow, the field really is a frozen tundra!'

'It's a difficult job, he needed a bigger than average 'stress ball'.'

'I don't like heights...maybe that's why I've had so many low points in my life.'

'The ghost walks this passage every night Monday to Friday. He has weekends off.'

"Hue More Church Candlelight mass 7:00pm - 8:00pm"

"Well, I'm thinking about boarding school. Though I'm not sure they accept adults."

'Are we nearly there yet?'

"I know this is not a proper job for a PhD, Mom, but I have student loans to repay."

Love a Mutt

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

'I'm keeping a scrap book. All I've got so far is one umbilical cord.'

"They're comfortable."

The Brothers Grime

Raised by Dogs

Man enters a palm reading establishment carrying a tropical plant.

"Darling... I think the Baby's been eating the fridge magnets again."

"She wishes to range free!"

"You see, it's perfectly safe to tease him..."

Stairlift around cliff face.

Dickens & Tolstoy Walk into a Bar: " . . . so, to make a short story long . . . "

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

Unemotional Support Animal

"Them's cat-fightin' words, Arlin!"

"Congratulations. It's a chick."

Thrift: have your arms and legs amputated, use a pillow for a bed!

"Yeah, I don't like this part either."