Humor Hounds Pillows

'Legal just called. That tune you're whistling is a copyright infringement.'

'Trains traditionally run late, it rains on bank holidays and Yorkshire pudding is a main course.'

'Why is it he never understands sit , stay or down, but understands spayed and neutered?'

'I've just been sold nine life insurance policies.'

"Not sure if I'm hungry or bored."

"Look, here's one that comes with batteries."

"I'm afraid you've come to the wrong place, sir. Here, we determine the age of old fossils, not arrange dates for them."

"No Joke! I taught my dog to fetch coffee."

"I lost my daughter."

"Heat expands things and I'm fat, the real culprit is obvious...I'm a victim of global warming!"

'Quick, Lassie, our credit cards are maxed! Get help!'

'But you're a dog! How can you know how to read?!?'

'He's paralysed from the neck down.'

The New York Review of Weather.

'Are we nearly there yet?'

'Does he bite?'

Beware of dog...poop.

'What's my fortune then?!

Online Diet: Step 1 - Delete Cookies

Bingo! Credit card number!! The real reason raccoons like garbage.

12 O'clock was 'I'm a tractor time.'

'The circle is complete!'

Rejected Titles For The Canadian National Anthem.

Mister Bundles VS. The Martians - Part Thirty Four

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

"Remember when we used to wonder if there other beings somewhere out there?"

Micro Psychiatry Clinic. You have a full schedule today, Doctor. The helium atom will be here to work on his fear of heights. The white blood cell with a germ phobia and amoeba with separation anxiety are coming in. The DNA molecule will be here about an identity crisis. And here, in the sports car, comes a new patient, a carbon-14 isotope. Ah, looks like he's going through a half-life crisis!

Yeah, it's funny, but you'll see, in this house, it's the guy who screams the loudest...

Easter Island Cheeseheads

'Let's have some fun... give Eve extra memory.'

'I said you're next, Hibblemeyer. . . Hibblemeyer!'

No Soliciting

'What? You ate the gateau instead of throwing it into my face?? You insensitive, egotistical brute! You don't love me anymore!'

"Let's just go in and see what happens."

Ant story: 'and so they worked all day and they worked all night and then they worked some more, the end.'