Humor Herder Gifts

'Plastic bags, dogs, dogs behind gates, strange smells, pigs, strange noises...heck! It would be quicker to tell you what doesn't spook me!'

Sympathetic nursing will work wonders

For speedy operation and ease of control get a pony.

"I say it's Kale, and I say it's spinaches shitfaced uncle."

"I wanted to plant my own food, but I couldn't find bacon seeds!"

"Of course it's alien abductions! How else would you explain the, 'November Phenomenon'?"

The Great Lamington Drive of 1892 - Lamingtons are being herded like cattle across the plains by cowboys... or lamingtonboys.

"Yup! Its time to feed the cattle."

'I think I've isolated that funny noise you've been having.'

'How are you at thinking outside the flocks?'

'Where's my horse?'

'The first day on the job was not going well for Al...'

"All my stuff is 'Rosebud'."

Inappropriate horse whispering.

'I know you like your stallions tall Mary, but a clydesdale?'

"Sorry, there's no toilet paper or hand sanitizer down here."

Never clip him yourself unless you are an expert.

'Aside from a crazed sheep now and then, this is a very risk-free profession.'

"Buckle up. We're in the midst of an unprecedented breadcrumb recession."

I'm a bolt, dummy! Does everything look like a nail to you?!

"Hi honey, do we need anything for the junk drawer?"

"I'd love to help but at the moment I'm saddled with this enormous mortgage."

'Steven! Those nuts are for guests! Stop hiding them!'

"My father said I was too big for my britches!"

"I don't think you're getting the point of this exercise."

"I don't care what the job pays. . . I'm never herding cats again!"

'...Because its easy to draw.'

"God, I hate cows."

Oh yeah, that's right. Now everyone wants to know the radiator cow.

"You want to know what kind of criticism of Israeli politics I consider anti-semitic?"

'He thinks he's so hot but, personally, I'd rather be artificially inseminated.'

"I dumped my stable companion, he was seeing another pony!"

"I don't want it to look like I don't appreciate your qualifications and experience, but you're talking a lot of crap."

Oat Cuisine in Horse's Nosebag

And balance with practice.