Herd Humorist Gifts

Oh yeah, that's right. Now everyone wants to know the radiator cow.

"We only need to slaughter one more - grab that one."

Sympathetic nursing will work wonders

For speedy operation and ease of control get a pony.

No Soliciting

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

Mr Tom Noddy's First Day With the Hounds Pt. 4

Moo! OOM!

'Where's my horse?'

'This is what Jack and me have managed to create so far...all you have to do is add your poop to the top and we have a field record!'

It is a good idea to start by learning how to mount your pony.

'Today's entrees are the Breast with Thyme, and the Wurst with Thyme.'

'Doctor, did you say 5 minutes of traction, or 5 hours?'

'I know you like your stallions tall Mary, but a clydesdale?'

Inappropriate horse whispering.

The Enemy

Grass: We lost some good men today!

"You can achieve anything if you put you mind to it."

Never clip him yourself unless you are an expert.

Show Jumping Tantrums

Before her first dressage competition, Kate suffered from Pre-Traumatic Stress.

Lawyers Ridin' The Range: 'Happy trials to you, until we meet again!'

Polo pony

'This is one of those 'shovel ready' jobs you hear about.'

The Poodle and The Twooudle.

The Cud Food Guide

"I'd love to help but at the moment I'm saddled with this enormous mortgage."

A Few Common Ailments

'I'm not taking any chances with the water jump this year.'

'Plastic bags, dogs, dogs behind gates, strange smells, pigs, strange noises...heck! It would be quicker to tell you what doesn't spook me!'

Horse accidents

"Damn it, cilantro ruins everything."

Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Racing - No. II - IV

"I dumped my stable companion, he was seeing another pony!"

"Boy, this is the life: For a bit of riding every day, we get fed, pampered and groomed..."