Horsey Humorist Gifts

'Dude! You got the needle! Freakin' A that's cool, those things are wickedly hard to find!'

Organic Food Incentive

Sympathetic nursing will work wonders

'Dogs are so silly: Just throw a ball or a stick and they'll chase it and bring it back!'

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

"Well, here's the problem. You been takin' the hair ball pills and givin' the Viagra to the cats."

"Wow, these slippers are really warm!"

For speedy operation and ease of control get a pony.

'Jurassic Pork.'

'...Excuse me...Whoops, my fault!..Sorry!..You first...Pardon Me...Sorry...S'cuse me...Look out!...Pardon'

Hats and Food

'Of course I'm being catty. How else do you expect me to act?'

No Soliciting

"Yes, one is a dog."

"Scuba cow"

Beware of the Dog Hair.

'While you're 'fixing' my private parts, could you give me a loaner pair?'

"Grass-cream! Thanks Mum!"

"Yes, it's a safe: I was fed up with my winter provisions being raided by freeloaders!"

"Yep. Looks like we have ringworm."

'Well, I guess we're the control group.'

"That product you are using is fantastic. Your eye bags are gone."

No jay walking.

'Mom and dad...if someone threw a rock at me, it would really be like killing two birds with one stone.' 'I told you if we had a child, he'd be a wise-quacker.'

'Settle an argument. Which is better incessant barking or meowing?'

"Hey! There's a hair in my soup!"

'Bird Watching is fun, but it tends to make me salivate...'

"I think I'm beginning to embrace humiliation."

"Toadstool you say? No, this is snailstool now!"

Northeastern Deer/Southwestern Deer

"All you're doing is emboldening cats."

"You might want to start bringing more carrots home, dear. I think I have an ingrown hare."

"Did you know he'd joined a squirrel watchers club?"

"I'm concerned. You seem to have catlike reflexes."

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'