Herd Humorist Pillows

Oh yeah, that's right. Now everyone wants to know the radiator cow.

"We only need to slaughter one more - grab that one."

Sympathetic nursing will work wonders

For speedy operation and ease of control get a pony.

No Soliciting

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

Moo! OOM!

Mr Tom Noddy's First Day With the Hounds Pt. 4

'Where's my horse?'

'This is what Jack and me have managed to create so far...all you have to do is add your poop to the top and we have a field record!'

It is a good idea to start by learning how to mount your pony.

'Today's entrees are the Breast with Thyme, and the Wurst with Thyme.'

'Doctor, did you say 5 minutes of traction, or 5 hours?'

'I know you like your stallions tall Mary, but a clydesdale?'

Inappropriate horse whispering.

Grass: We lost some good men today!

"You can achieve anything if you put you mind to it."

The Enemy

Never clip him yourself unless you are an expert.

Before her first dressage competition, Kate suffered from Pre-Traumatic Stress.

Show Jumping Tantrums

"I'd love to help but at the moment I'm saddled with this enormous mortgage."

The Poodle and The Twooudle.

The Cud Food Guide

'This is one of those 'shovel ready' jobs you hear about.'

A Few Common Ailments

'I'm not taking any chances with the water jump this year.'

'Plastic bags, dogs, dogs behind gates, strange smells, pigs, strange noises...heck! It would be quicker to tell you what doesn't spook me!'

Horse accidents

"Boy, this is the life: For a bit of riding every day, we get fed, pampered and groomed..."

'He thinks he's so hot but, personally, I'd rather be artificially inseminated.'

"I dumped my stable companion, he was seeing another pony!"

Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Racing - No. II - IV

"Damn it, cilantro ruins everything."

Stop! Mad cows are forbidden to cross the border!