Housing Gifts

"I would die, but I have a rent-controlled apartment."

"I see no problems. We can get lots more of these houses in.."

'Surely it is no longer legal to include 'deposit of your first-born child'?'

"Nice, but it's still a fish bowl. We'd like something with a little more privacy."

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

'That's standard with new homes built on flood plains'.

"I finally have my very own place where I can do what I want in my parents basement."

Couple begging with sign reading - 'Unable to afford an affordable home, please help'

'And this is Eddy, he's been giving virtual tours long before computers.'

"Try not to think of it as a box, but rather an environmentally neutral, biodegradable, single person unit of accomodation!"

We are looking for a bigger place to accommodate our extended family

Unsocial housing.

'Thing sure have changed. Fifty years ago doctors made house calls.'

'As the housing inspector, I'm telling you to install a smoke detector.'

Affordable housing: no vacancy.

"Another interesting feature of this apartment is the working fireplace."

'You're a single person on benefits with too many rooms - we're downsizing you!'

"Oh, stop complaining! Our partner agencies conducted a full tenant consultation exercise!"

"I remember when you used to see 3 or 4 of these a week!"

'We're looking for a place with no high walls.'

'I see you managed to get yourself into sheltered accommodation'

'Okay. But apart from the low ceilings, what did you think of the house?'

Landlord holding back a tennant from his money: 'It's all part of the service!'

'Can I assume from the rent that this place comes with its own butler?'

Letting agent on the phone: 'OK, so there's fungus in the bathroom - but on the plus side, it IS organic.'

'Un-Cooperative Apartments.'

'I'm sorry, but without a significant deposit, we can't give you a mortgage.'

'One might say the market's gone from the sub-prime to the iniquitous!'

'If renting is so expensive, why not move back in which your parents?'

The Appalachian.

Snail Eviction

'Damp? The bath's got a ring round its OUTSIDE!'

Turtle Eviction

'Am I safe in assuming that your requirements do not include a formal dining room?'

'The price was right but we had to compromise on location.'