House Viewing Humorist Gifts

"It's all about the freezer storage space for Vinny."

'And if you look to your left between the condos and the ABD store, you can see the ocean.'

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

"Take me to your Larder!"

"Garbage in, garbage out!"

The wooden clothes horse of Troy.

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

Tidy it up for the open house, and it wouldn't hurt to put out some freshly regurgitated worms. For sale.

Yard Sale

"I pray that he will enjoy my pie..." "The smell's enough to make me cry!"

"For God's sake, Lucille. We're IN a vacuum."

'I'm not going to remind you again, Harold. Now, go get the garbage and bring it in here.'

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

Estate Agent showing client his parents' house - '...and here's one from our affordable homes range'

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."

'The owner plays in the NBA.'

It's from the homeowners association --- They want me to stop leaving my worries on the doorstep.

"Why not pay someone to clean out the gutters?" "Total waste of good beer money." And just like that, Gail became a widow.

Mouse real estate!

Desperate Househusbands: 'Help! My wife left me with the kids for two minutes while she ran to the store. Help!'

'Beware you don't trip over him!'

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

'What makes you think the basement leaks?'

"Our cat is the only god this home needs."

Of course I've not dusted - You know I favour a matt finish!'

Carpet Cows

'Classic literature for D.I.Y. haters'

'Barry, I think I know where you left the champagne bottle.'

'She let the bedbugs bite.'

'Don't blame me - It's my husband's cooking!'

'I put lint tape all over his onesie so that, as he crawls around, he picks up the dog hair.'

'The fire seems to be drawing well.'

'Sorry I'm late getting home from work. I overslept.'

His and Hernia's towels.

'On second thought, he does do one thing around the house -- he cleans out the refrigerator.'