House Viewing Humorist Gifts

'And if you look to your left between the condos and the ABD store, you can see the ocean.'

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

"Take me to your Larder!"

"Garbage in, garbage out!"

The wooden clothes horse of Troy.

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

"I pray that he will enjoy my pie..." "The smell's enough to make me cry!"

Yard Sale

"For God's sake, Lucille. We're IN a vacuum."

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

Estate Agent showing client his parents' house - '...and here's one from our affordable homes range'

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."

'The owner plays in the NBA.'

"Why not pay someone to clean out the gutters?" "Total waste of good beer money." And just like that, Gail became a widow.

'Beware you don't trip over him!'

Mouse real estate!

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

'What makes you think the basement leaks?'

'Barry, I think I know where you left the champagne bottle.'

"Our cat is the only god this home needs."

'Don't blame me - It's my husband's cooking!'

Of course I've not dusted - You know I favour a matt finish!'

'Classic literature for D.I.Y. haters'

Carpet Cows

'She let the bedbugs bite.'

'The fire seems to be drawing well.'

'Sorry I'm late getting home from work. I overslept.'

His and Hernia's towels.

'On second thought, he does do one thing around the house -- he cleans out the refrigerator.'

'Be sure to bring home your divots so you can patch the bare spots in our lawn.'