Hotel Operator Gifts

'Hello, hotel operator? I'll be requiring an immediate room change.'

"First class, or with children?"

'He's not a pet. He's an endangered species.'

'Camping is nature's way of promoting B&Bs.'

'Now here's a place I like!'

"This hotel room must be dry. There's a cactus growing out of my suitcase."

'What was all that swerving at the cat walk?'

'Tomorrow's special is fish, so wear the flounder suit.'

Courtyard of the Hotel de France, Montreuil.

"I see the downsizing continues."

'Don't ask questions, Ralph, just tell me who you'd rather look like - Sean Connery or Robert Redford.'

Birds talking about package holiday makers - "Amazing how they find there way back every year."

"Oh...Hi Bob, listen buddy, I'm in a meeting right now, I'll Caw you back."

'I'll have toast and he'll have a complete dog's breakfast.'

The Suite Hereafter

Hotel with sign 'Home sweet temporary home'

"Here's the marketing department's solution."

"If you are a Democrat, Mrs. Hooper-Smith does the Macarena during your pancakes."

Mini Bar

"I'll check and see if he's available."

'Hello room service - can you come and tuck me in and read me a story please'

No early morning tea past this landing

Special! Continental breakfast...$3.99: 'What continent is this suppose to represent - Antarctica!'

"I'm away from my desk or on another line. Please leave a message at the sound of my impersonation of a beep."

Welcome to Yellow Pages, Vermont

Biliard Enthusiast

"Please stay on the line – your caul is important to us."

"And His Majesty sends you a great big kiss, too."

'What if I promise not to look?'

Thermidor Dali

'Bed & Bagel'

'I have Tourette's, and they play backup.'

"Once again, how little did you pay for this room?"

Articulated taxicab serving two hotels.