Hotel Management Gifts

"...frankly, Mrs. Roach, I think you'd get more business if you changed your name."

"For heaven's sakes, pull up the red carpet!"

End Tipping Now!: 'I can't find a hotel that will host our convention!

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

'We earn extra money by renting out your office at night.'

"This is our soft opening."

'Tomorrow's special is fish, so wear the flounder suit.'

Courtyard of the Hotel de France, Montreuil.

Frank and Ernie's Diner. We're all out of pressed duck, sir, but I can put the squeeze on some chicken for you.

"Sorry, that's not my table."

'Nobody minds if I take the ocean view suite with complimentary champagne and Sven, the in-room Swedish masseur, do they?'

"Would you prefer the talking or the non-talking section?"

"Tracy Island offers palatial splendour in the safest of environments. Your beds are unmade because this is Tracy Emin Island."

"The candy on the pillow is a nicety of the house."

"This controls the speed, this opens the door and if you press the red button a maintenance man appears and gives you a very large bill"

"The food here is excellent- what time is breakfast?"

'It feels warm enough to me.'

"The mint on the pillow was nice, but I'd prefer a chocolate fudge brownie."

'It's first flush Darjeeling darling!'

'I'll have toast and he'll have a complete dog's breakfast.'

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

The Suite Hereafter

Hotel with sign 'Home sweet temporary home'

Mini Bar

'No Sir, it's not sunny here all the time. Never at night.'

Zagat Rated.

Special! Continental breakfast...$3.99: 'What continent is this suppose to represent - Antarctica!'

'Hello room service - can you come and tuck me in and read me a story please'

Waiter' You betta stop that food fight, you SILLY fools! Here comes the Maitre D' !'

'What if I promise not to look?'

'Bed & Bagel'

No early morning tea past this landing

"Welcome to the French Quarter!"

Disaster in the kitchen.