Hotel Management Pillows

"...frankly, Mrs. Roach, I think you'd get more business if you changed your name."

"For heaven's sakes, pull up the red carpet!"

End Tipping Now!: 'I can't find a hotel that will host our convention!

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

'We earn extra money by renting out your office at night.'

"This is our soft opening."

"Sorry, that's not my table."

Courtyard of the Hotel de France, Montreuil.

'Tomorrow's special is fish, so wear the flounder suit.'

"Would you prefer the talking or the non-talking section?"

'Nobody minds if I take the ocean view suite with complimentary champagne and Sven, the in-room Swedish masseur, do they?'

"The candy on the pillow is a nicety of the house."

"This controls the speed, this opens the door and if you press the red button a maintenance man appears and gives you a very large bill"

"The food here is excellent- what time is breakfast?"

'It's first flush Darjeeling darling!'

'I'll have toast and he'll have a complete dog's breakfast.'

"The mint on the pillow was nice, but I'd prefer a chocolate fudge brownie."

The Suite Hereafter

'It feels warm enough to me.'

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

Hotel with sign 'Home sweet temporary home'

Mini Bar

'Would Sir & Madam per chance care to peruse the scratch & sniff dessert menu?'

"Welcome to the French Quarter!"

'Hello room service - can you come and tuck me in and read me a story please'

'No Sir, it's not sunny here all the time. Never at night.'

'What if I promise not to look?'

Special! Continental breakfast...$3.99: 'What continent is this suppose to represent - Antarctica!'

No early morning tea past this landing

'Bed & Bagel'

Waiter' You betta stop that food fight, you SILLY fools! Here comes the Maitre D' !'

Disaster in the kitchen.

Zagat Rated.

'I asked for a rare steak and you certainly don't see many as BAD as this!'