Hotel Services Pillows

Maid.

You May Torch The Room

'He's not a pet. He's an endangered species.'

'Camping is nature's way of promoting B&Bs.'

'What was all that swerving at the cat walk?'

'Now here's a place I like!'

"This hotel room must be dry. There's a cactus growing out of my suitcase."

'What I like best about a magnum of Champagne is, it's a controlled portion.'

Courtyard of the Hotel de France, Montreuil.

'Tomorrow's special is fish, so wear the flounder suit.'

'Nobody minds if I take the ocean view suite with complimentary champagne and Sven, the in-room Swedish masseur, do they?'

Birds talking about package holiday makers - "Amazing how they find there way back every year."

The Suite Hereafter

"The mint on the pillow was nice, but I'd prefer a chocolate fudge brownie."

'I'll have toast and he'll have a complete dog's breakfast.'

'It's first flush Darjeeling darling!'

Hotel with sign 'Home sweet temporary home'

"If you are a Democrat, Mrs. Hooper-Smith does the Macarena during your pancakes."

Mini Bar

Biliard Enthusiast

No early morning tea past this landing

'Bed & Bagel'

"Welcome to the French Quarter!"

'Hello room service - can you come and tuck me in and read me a story please'

Special! Continental breakfast...$3.99: 'What continent is this suppose to represent - Antarctica!'

A mini Kebab take-away and a minibar

'What if I promise not to look?'

'No Sir, it's not sunny here all the time. Never at night.'

"Once again, how little did you pay for this room?"

"Shoot, I forgot this place has early checkout."

French 75s at the Stafford

"Here’s the thermostat. Like all hotel thermostats, it’s just for show."

'Front desk? Someone came in my room and ate the little candies on my pillow.'

'Oh, the amenity!'

Seal blubber stew