Hotel Services Pillows

Maid.

You May Torch The Room

'He's not a pet. He's an endangered species.'

'Camping is nature's way of promoting B&Bs.'

'Now here's a place I like!'

'What was all that swerving at the cat walk?'

"This hotel room must be dry. There's a cactus growing out of my suitcase."

'What I like best about a magnum of Champagne is, it's a controlled portion.'

Courtyard of the Hotel de France, Montreuil.

'Tomorrow's special is fish, so wear the flounder suit.'

"Tracy Island offers palatial splendour in the safest of environments. Your beds are unmade because this is Tracy Emin Island."

'Nobody minds if I take the ocean view suite with complimentary champagne and Sven, the in-room Swedish masseur, do they?'

Birds talking about package holiday makers - "Amazing how they find there way back every year."

'It's first flush Darjeeling darling!'

"The mint on the pillow was nice, but I'd prefer a chocolate fudge brownie."

Hotel with sign 'Home sweet temporary home'

The Suite Hereafter

'I'll have toast and he'll have a complete dog's breakfast.'

"If you are a Democrat, Mrs. Hooper-Smith does the Macarena during your pancakes."

Mini Bar

'What if I promise not to look?'

Special! Continental breakfast...$3.99: 'What continent is this suppose to represent - Antarctica!'

'Bed & Bagel'

No early morning tea past this landing

'Hello room service - can you come and tuck me in and read me a story please'

Biliard Enthusiast

"Welcome to the French Quarter!"

A mini Kebab take-away and a minibar

'No Sir, it's not sunny here all the time. Never at night.'

"Once again, how little did you pay for this room?"

'Rest assured, this hotel is second to none in providing for all the creature comforts.'

Excess Baggage: Many hotels, inspired by the airlines are gouging their guests by adding 'resort fees' to the room rates.

Hotel mini-bar.

"Here’s the thermostat. Like all hotel thermostats, it’s just for show."

The trips postponed by La Covid continue