Hotel Guest Pillows

"Help pay my minibar bill."

"You should have been more specific when you booked a room with a sea view."

"Will you be requiring a wake up call?"

'He's not a pet. He's an endangered species.'

'Camping is nature's way of promoting B&Bs.'

'Now here's a place I like!'

"This hotel room must be dry. There's a cactus growing out of my suitcase."

'What was all that swerving at the cat walk?'

'What I like best about a magnum of Champagne is, it's a controlled portion.'

Birds talking about package holiday makers - "Amazing how they find there way back every year."

Hotel with sign 'Home sweet temporary home'

The Suite Hereafter

"The mint on the pillow was nice, but I'd prefer a chocolate fudge brownie."

Mini Bar

"If you are a Democrat, Mrs. Hooper-Smith does the Macarena during your pancakes."

Biliard Enthusiast

'Bed & Bagel'

"This should be cozy. Just let me know if you need an extra sousaphone."

'Hello room service - can you come and tuck me in and read me a story please'

A mini Kebab take-away and a minibar

"Once again, how little did you pay for this room?"

Excess Baggage: Many hotels, inspired by the airlines are gouging their guests by adding 'resort fees' to the room rates.

Seal blubber stew

'Front desk? Someone came in my room and ate the little candies on my pillow.'

Cut out and keep your own Room Service.

"Here’s the thermostat. Like all hotel thermostats, it’s just for show."

'Oh, the amenity!'

'look at this hotel. They leave a ball of yarn on your pillow!'

'I don't know if we should stay there, dear. That kennel only got two stars.'

'What gave him this idea?'

" ....you didn't say wanted one that worked."

'I really felt at home there. The food was awful!'

Sparrow Hilton

Harbor Hotel: 'Absolutely NO swashbuckling after 10 PM'.

'Would you like a room on the sunny side, sir? Haha, just kidding!'