Hellish Hotel Guest Pillows

"I'm in a shared room?! What kind of hole is this?"

'Took calcium supplements for years without paying for them.'

Yep the kids are loving the hotel they've made lots of new friends.

"I'm sorry but we don't have a room with a view."

"I don't love you anymore. Let's just be friends."

'We only have rooms with real teeth left!'

Paterfamilias makes himself independent of hotels

"Hotel UFO! Yes - that's right our dining room opens at 5 and closes at 5:15!"

"I made a nice zucchini bread."

'I'm afraid you're going to have to stay with us for a thousand years, but your sins are tax-deductible.'

'Damned tourists.'

"You should have been more specific when you booked a room with a sea view."

Branch No3 is free sir: It will be $10...

The room you gave me was so small every time I bent over I rearranged the furniture.

'I'd like to leave a wake-up call.'

'No you can't take my name... it's mine!'

"Will you be requiring a wake up call?"

'Room service? Please send up a towel. In a minute sir, someone's using it.'

Bedbug Hotel Reviews

"Help pay my minibar bill."

Facilities for children in a hotel.

Read the small print Guv - 'Press in every room', not 'trouser press in every room.'

And it even has your name on the pocket!

"Will you be needing any additional room keys, or are you going to stay in all evening and watch porn?"

"Yes, housekeeping? These bathrobes are out of control!"

Hotel door sign reading 'Please disturb. We freaky like that'.

"Faster! By God, you'll earn that tip yet!"

"Do you want the side of the bed with no outlet or the side with the impossible-to-reach outlet?"

'The big book is for the 'Smiths'...'

'I'm your stand in, your Gideon Bible has been stolen'

'I've got a shared room? What kind of hole is this?'

Ring for Service

'This oughta slow them down.'