Hotel Guest Gifts

"Help pay my minibar bill."

"You should have been more specific when you booked a room with a sea view."

"Will you be requiring a wake up call?"

'He's not a pet. He's an endangered species.'

'Camping is nature's way of promoting B&Bs.'

'Now here's a place I like!'

'What was all that swerving at the cat walk?'

"This hotel room must be dry. There's a cactus growing out of my suitcase."

'What I like best about a magnum of Champagne is, it's a controlled portion.'

Birds talking about package holiday makers - "Amazing how they find there way back every year."

The Suite Hereafter

Hotel with sign 'Home sweet temporary home'

"The mint on the pillow was nice, but I'd prefer a chocolate fudge brownie."

Mini Bar

"If you are a Democrat, Mrs. Hooper-Smith does the Macarena during your pancakes."

A mini Kebab take-away and a minibar

'Hello room service - can you come and tuck me in and read me a story please'

'Bed & Bagel'

Biliard Enthusiast

"This should be cozy. Just let me know if you need an extra sousaphone."

"Once again, how little did you pay for this room?"

'My parents couldn't afford to send me to college, so they let me spend a night at a Ramada.'

"Here’s the thermostat. Like all hotel thermostats, it’s just for show."

Cut out and keep your own Room Service.

'Oh, the amenity!'

Excess Baggage: Many hotels, inspired by the airlines are gouging their guests by adding 'resort fees' to the room rates.

'Front desk? Someone came in my room and ate the little candies on my pillow.'

Seal blubber stew

'look at this hotel. They leave a ball of yarn on your pillow!'

'What gave him this idea?'

'I don't know if we should stay there, dear. That kennel only got two stars.'

'I really felt at home there. The food was awful!'

" ....you didn't say wanted one that worked."

Excess Baggage: For many of us 'Roughing it' means staying at a hotel without room service.

Harbor Hotel: 'Absolutely NO swashbuckling after 10 PM'.