Hotel Stays Gifts

"If there's anything we can do to make your stay more pleasant, just rant about it all over the Internet."

'What I like best about a magnum of Champagne is, it's a controlled portion.'

happy bellboy carrying suitcases

"I hope you have a pleasant, relaxing stay with us."

'Don't worry, I'm not superstitious.'

Bedbug Hotel Reviews

Mini Bar

'Dammit - I forgot to tip the waiter.'

'We want ocean view accommodations, Pacific for him and Atlantic for me.'

"What a lovely autumn light - look how it's caught that cement mixer."

Excess Baggage: Check the prices of the items in the hotel mini-bar before treating yourself to a feast.

Excess Baggage: Many hotels, inspired by the airlines, are gouging their guests by adding 'resort fees' to the room rates.

"Would you like the £40 room or the £60 room?"

Holiday-maker taking hotel's entire drinking water supply, "All inclusive, then!"

Cut out and keep your own Room Service.

'Sorry, General, but this is a five star hotel.'

Hotel with sign 'Home sweet temporary home'

Room With A View

'Would you like a 'turn down' service?' - 'I don't know... I already get turned down quite a lot.' - 'No, no... we go into your room while you're out and fold over the corner of your duvet.' - 'That sounds mildly disturbing.' - 'Look, let me make this...'

"I thought you booked us a king?"

"We're americans, so the room's great, the cockroaches just up and went!"

Medical Emergencies on Holiday.

"There's a less crowded and more attractive beach at the newly renovated, moderately priced Hotel del Mar, in nearby . . ."

'He's not a pet. He's an endangered species.'

'Camping is nature's way of promoting B&Bs.'

'What was all that swerving at the cat walk?'

"This hotel room must be dry. There's a cactus growing out of my suitcase."

'Now here's a place I like!'

Birds talking about package holiday makers - "Amazing how they find there way back every year."

The Suite Hereafter

"The mint on the pillow was nice, but I'd prefer a chocolate fudge brownie."

"If you are a Democrat, Mrs. Hooper-Smith does the Macarena during your pancakes."

'Hello room service - can you come and tuck me in and read me a story please'

'Bed & Bagel'

Biliard Enthusiast