Hotel Stays Gifts

"If there's anything we can do to make your stay more pleasant, just rant about it all over the Internet."

'What I like best about a magnum of Champagne is, it's a controlled portion.'

happy bellboy carrying suitcases

"I hope you have a pleasant, relaxing stay with us."

'Don't worry, I'm not superstitious.'

Bedbug Hotel Reviews

Mini Bar

'Dammit - I forgot to tip the waiter.'

'We want ocean view accommodations, Pacific for him and Atlantic for me.'

"There's no need to keep calling to remind us, sir. You'll get your wake-up call at the time you specified. Understand? Now stop calling."

"What a lovely autumn light - look how it's caught that cement mixer."

Excess Baggage: Check the prices of the items in the hotel mini-bar before treating yourself to a feast.

Excess Baggage: Many hotels, inspired by the airlines, are gouging their guests by adding 'resort fees' to the room rates.

"Would you like the £40 room or the £60 room?"

Holiday-maker taking hotel's entire drinking water supply, "All inclusive, then!"

Cut out and keep your own Room Service.

'Sorry, General, but this is a five star hotel.'

Hotel with sign 'Home sweet temporary home'

Room With A View

'Would you like a 'turn down' service?' - 'I don't know... I already get turned down quite a lot.' - 'No, no... we go into your room while you're out and fold over the corner of your duvet.' - 'That sounds mildly disturbing.' - 'Look, let me make this...'

"I thought you booked us a king?"

"We're americans, so the room's great, the cockroaches just up and went!"

Once again, someone has taken all the little soaps and shampoos.

Medical Emergencies on Holiday.

"There's a less crowded and more attractive beach at the newly renovated, moderately priced Hotel del Mar, in nearby . . ."

'He's not a pet. He's an endangered species.'

'Camping is nature's way of promoting B&Bs.'

'What was all that swerving at the cat walk?'

"This hotel room must be dry. There's a cactus growing out of my suitcase."

'Now here's a place I like!'

Birds talking about package holiday makers - "Amazing how they find there way back every year."

"The mint on the pillow was nice, but I'd prefer a chocolate fudge brownie."

The Suite Hereafter

"If you are a Democrat, Mrs. Hooper-Smith does the Macarena during your pancakes."

'Bed & Bagel'