Hotel Staying Gifts

'We like to go on holiday early in the season...when the sheets are still clean.'

'He's not a pet. He's an endangered species.'

'Camping is nature's way of promoting B&Bs.'

'What was all that swerving at the cat walk?'

"This hotel room must be dry. There's a cactus growing out of my suitcase."

'Now here's a place I like!'

'What I like best about a magnum of Champagne is, it's a controlled portion.'

Birds talking about package holiday makers - "Amazing how they find there way back every year."

Hotel with sign 'Home sweet temporary home'

"The mint on the pillow was nice, but I'd prefer a chocolate fudge brownie."

The Suite Hereafter

"If you are a Democrat, Mrs. Hooper-Smith does the Macarena during your pancakes."

Mini Bar

'Hello room service - can you come and tuck me in and read me a story please'

Bed and Breakfast

'Bed & Bagel'

'What if I promise not to look?'

Biliard Enthusiast

A mini Kebab take-away and a minibar

"Once again, how little did you pay for this room?"

'My parents couldn't afford to send me to college, so they let me spend a night at a Ramada.'

Hotel mini-bar.

"Here’s the thermostat. Like all hotel thermostats, it’s just for show."

Cut out and keep your own Room Service.

'Front desk? Someone came in my room and ate the little candies on my pillow.'

'Oh, the amenity!'

Excess Baggage: Many hotels, inspired by the airlines are gouging their guests by adding 'resort fees' to the room rates.

Seal blubber stew

'look at this hotel. They leave a ball of yarn on your pillow!'

'I don't know if we should stay there, dear. That kennel only got two stars.'

'What gave him this idea?'

" ....you didn't say wanted one that worked."

'Would you like a room on the sunny side, sir? Haha, just kidding!'

"There's a less crowded and more attractive beach at the newly renovated, moderately priced Hotel del Mar, in nearby . . ."

Graffiti on baseboard.