Staying At Hotels Gifts

"Faster! By God, you'll earn that tip yet!"

'I wish to complain. Someone has left this small chocolate on my pillow.'

'He's not a pet. He's an endangered species.'

'Camping is nature's way of promoting B&Bs.'

"This hotel room must be dry. There's a cactus growing out of my suitcase."

'What was all that swerving at the cat walk?'

'Now here's a place I like!'

'What I like best about a magnum of Champagne is, it's a controlled portion.'

Birds talking about package holiday makers - "Amazing how they find there way back every year."

Hotel with sign 'Home sweet temporary home'

"The mint on the pillow was nice, but I'd prefer a chocolate fudge brownie."

The Suite Hereafter

Mini Bar

"If you are a Democrat, Mrs. Hooper-Smith does the Macarena during your pancakes."

A mini Kebab take-away and a minibar

'Bed & Bagel'

Biliard Enthusiast

'What if I promise not to look?'

'Hello room service - can you come and tuck me in and read me a story please'

Bed and Breakfast

"Once again, how little did you pay for this room?"

"After losing my partner, I felt lost until I realized I had not only an empty shell but also a short-term accommodation business."

'My parents couldn't afford to send me to college, so they let me spend a night at a Ramada.'

'Front desk? Someone came in my room and ate the little candies on my pillow.'

"Here’s the thermostat. Like all hotel thermostats, it’s just for show."

Cut out and keep your own Room Service.

Excess Baggage: Many hotels, inspired by the airlines are gouging their guests by adding 'resort fees' to the room rates.

'Oh, the amenity!'

Seal blubber stew

'look at this hotel. They leave a ball of yarn on your pillow!'

'What gave him this idea?'

'I don't know if we should stay there, dear. That kennel only got two stars.'

" ....you didn't say wanted one that worked."

Graffiti on baseboard.

Excess Baggage: For many of us 'Roughing it' means staying at a hotel without room service.