Staying At Hotels Pillows

"Faster! By God, you'll earn that tip yet!"

'I wish to complain. Someone has left this small chocolate on my pillow.'

'He's not a pet. He's an endangered species.'

'Camping is nature's way of promoting B&Bs.'

'What was all that swerving at the cat walk?'

"This hotel room must be dry. There's a cactus growing out of my suitcase."

'Now here's a place I like!'

'What I like best about a magnum of Champagne is, it's a controlled portion.'

Birds talking about package holiday makers - "Amazing how they find there way back every year."

"The mint on the pillow was nice, but I'd prefer a chocolate fudge brownie."

The Suite Hereafter

Hotel with sign 'Home sweet temporary home'

Mini Bar

"If you are a Democrat, Mrs. Hooper-Smith does the Macarena during your pancakes."

'Bed & Bagel'

A mini Kebab take-away and a minibar

Biliard Enthusiast

Bed and Breakfast

'What if I promise not to look?'

'Hello room service - can you come and tuck me in and read me a story please'

"Once again, how little did you pay for this room?"

"After losing my partner, I felt lost until I realized I had not only an empty shell but also a short-term accommodation business."

"Here’s the thermostat. Like all hotel thermostats, it’s just for show."

Cut out and keep your own Room Service.

'Oh, the amenity!'

Seal blubber stew

Excess Baggage: Many hotels, inspired by the airlines are gouging their guests by adding 'resort fees' to the room rates.

'Front desk? Someone came in my room and ate the little candies on my pillow.'

'look at this hotel. They leave a ball of yarn on your pillow!'

'I don't know if we should stay there, dear. That kennel only got two stars.'

" ....you didn't say wanted one that worked."

'What gave him this idea?'

"There's a less crowded and more attractive beach at the newly renovated, moderately priced Hotel del Mar, in nearby . . ."

'Would you like a room on the sunny side, sir? Haha, just kidding!'

'Room service? Please send up some fish oil.'