Hotels Pillows

"Does anyone else's robe say 'Hyatt'?"

'look at this hotel. They leave a ball of yarn on your pillow!'

The Vineyardia

"Room service, Sir, You wanted someone to listen to your speech..."

'I know we asked for a room with running water,but...'

"Where do I swipe?"

"You were right-they've got one at the hotel."

Birds talking about package holiday makers - "Amazing how they find there way back every year."

'Room service? Please send up a towel. In a minute sir, someone's using it.'

'Couldn't you have taken the robe instead?'

"If I promise to come back serval times, can I get the group rate?"

"Did we ask for a heart-shaped tub?"

Live Elevator Music 3-7:30.

"Do you have a room for a couple of knights?"

"You've got your favorite room - right by the ice machine."

"If you are a Democrat, Mrs. Hooper-Smith does the Macarena during your pancakes."

"I'd like to leave a wake up call for, . ... OHH ..., April."

"Would you like a 'scratching' or 'non-scratching' room?"

'When you lie here you can see why it's called a Four Star Hotel. That's how many stars you can see through the hole in the roof!'

'Reservations.'

"Business bad I see"

'Camping is nature's way of promoting B&Bs.'

'What gave him this idea?'

Compliments of the House.

"Once again, how little did you pay for this room?"

"This hotel is web-friendly - there's one in every room..."

'This is not an automatic elevator, sir.'

'Ah, you must be the cleaner. I'm the dirtier.'

'I don't know if we should stay there, dear. That kennel only got two stars.'

Octopus porter.

" ....you didn't say wanted one that worked."

"Front desk? There are no little candies on my pillow."

'What do you mean there's no room for the 'no vacancy' sign?'

Excess Baggage: Many hotels, inspired by the airlines are gouging their guests by adding 'resort fees' to the room rates.

"Excuse me, sir. Our phones are down, so I'm here with your wake-up call."