Hoteling Pillows

'King who?'

'He's not a pet. He's an endangered species.'

'Camping is nature's way of promoting B&Bs.'

'We earn extra money by renting out your office at night.'

'What was all that swerving at the cat walk?'

"This hotel room must be dry. There's a cactus growing out of my suitcase."

'Now here's a place I like!'

'What I like best about a magnum of Champagne is, it's a controlled portion.'

Birds talking about package holiday makers - "Amazing how they find there way back every year."

"The candy on the pillow is a nicety of the house."

"The food here is excellent- what time is breakfast?"

The Suite Hereafter

Hotel with sign 'Home sweet temporary home'

"If you are a Democrat, Mrs. Hooper-Smith does the Macarena during your pancakes."

Mini Bar

A mini Kebab take-away and a minibar

'What if I promise not to look?'

'Bed & Bagel'

'Hello room service - can you come and tuck me in and read me a story please'

Biliard Enthusiast

Bed and Breakfast

"Once again, how little did you pay for this room?"

Ino & Frieda's 'Bed and Bagel'

"After losing my partner, I felt lost until I realized I had not only an empty shell but also a short-term accommodation business."

Cut out and keep your own Room Service.

"Here’s the thermostat. Like all hotel thermostats, it’s just for show."

Excess Baggage: Many hotels, inspired by the airlines are gouging their guests by adding 'resort fees' to the room rates.

Seal blubber stew

'Front desk? Someone came in my room and ate the little candies on my pillow.'

'Oh, the amenity!'

'look at this hotel. They leave a ball of yarn on your pillow!'

'I don't know if we should stay there, dear. That kennel only got two stars.'

'What gave him this idea?'

" ....you didn't say wanted one that worked."

'Would you like a room on the sunny side, sir? Haha, just kidding!'