Hoteling T-Shirts

'King who?'

'He's not a pet. He's an endangered species.'

'We earn extra money by renting out your office at night.'

'Camping is nature's way of promoting B&Bs.'

"This hotel room must be dry. There's a cactus growing out of my suitcase."

'What was all that swerving at the cat walk?'

'Now here's a place I like!'

'What I like best about a magnum of Champagne is, it's a controlled portion.'

Birds talking about package holiday makers - "Amazing how they find there way back every year."

"The candy on the pillow is a nicety of the house."

"The food here is excellent- what time is breakfast?"

Hotel with sign 'Home sweet temporary home'

The Suite Hereafter

"If you are a Democrat, Mrs. Hooper-Smith does the Macarena during your pancakes."

Mini Bar

'What if I promise not to look?'

Biliard Enthusiast

Bed and Breakfast

'Hello room service - can you come and tuck me in and read me a story please'

'Bed & Bagel'

A mini Kebab take-away and a minibar

"Once again, how little did you pay for this room?"

"Here’s the thermostat. Like all hotel thermostats, it’s just for show."

Cut out and keep your own Room Service.

"After losing my partner, I felt lost until I realized I had not only an empty shell but also a short-term accommodation business."

Excess Baggage: Many hotels, inspired by the airlines are gouging their guests by adding 'resort fees' to the room rates.

Ino & Frieda's 'Bed and Bagel'

'Front desk? Someone came in my room and ate the little candies on my pillow.'

Seal blubber stew

'My parents couldn't afford to send me to college, so they let me spend a night at a Ramada.'

'Oh, the amenity!'

'look at this hotel. They leave a ball of yarn on your pillow!'

'What gave him this idea?'

" ....you didn't say wanted one that worked."

'I don't know if we should stay there, dear. That kennel only got two stars.'