Hotel Staying T-Shirts

'We like to go on holiday early in the season...when the sheets are still clean.'

'He's not a pet. He's an endangered species.'

'Camping is nature's way of promoting B&Bs.'

'Now here's a place I like!'

"This hotel room must be dry. There's a cactus growing out of my suitcase."

'What was all that swerving at the cat walk?'

'What I like best about a magnum of Champagne is, it's a controlled portion.'

Birds talking about package holiday makers - "Amazing how they find there way back every year."

"The mint on the pillow was nice, but I'd prefer a chocolate fudge brownie."

Hotel with sign 'Home sweet temporary home'

The Suite Hereafter

Mini Bar

"If you are a Democrat, Mrs. Hooper-Smith does the Macarena during your pancakes."

'What if I promise not to look?'

Biliard Enthusiast

A mini Kebab take-away and a minibar

Bed and Breakfast

'Bed & Bagel'

'Hello room service - can you come and tuck me in and read me a story please'

"Once again, how little did you pay for this room?"

Excess Baggage: Many hotels, inspired by the airlines are gouging their guests by adding 'resort fees' to the room rates.

Cut out and keep your own Room Service.

'Oh, the amenity!'

Seal blubber stew

"Here’s the thermostat. Like all hotel thermostats, it’s just for show."

'Front desk? Someone came in my room and ate the little candies on my pillow.'

'look at this hotel. They leave a ball of yarn on your pillow!'

" ....you didn't say wanted one that worked."

'I don't know if we should stay there, dear. That kennel only got two stars.'

'What gave him this idea?'

"There's a less crowded and more attractive beach at the newly renovated, moderately priced Hotel del Mar, in nearby . . ."

'Would you like a room on the sunny side, sir? Haha, just kidding!'

Graffiti on baseboard.

'Room service? Please send up some fish oil.'