Hoteliers Pillows

Bed and Breakfast

'Well, we have to make up for the 51 weeks you're not here.'

"I see this place is very popular with tourist industry workers."

'Some hotels are doing so badly, they're stealing towels from the guests.'

"A bed tax for visitors is just a first step. To further stimulate tourism to the UK after Brexit, we'll charge you for leaving, the UK, e-mailing the UK, writing to the UK, calling the UK and finally, avoiding the UK altogether."

'He's not a pet. He's an endangered species.'

'Camping is nature's way of promoting B&Bs.'

'We earn extra money by renting out your office at night.'

'What was all that swerving at the cat walk?'

"This hotel room must be dry. There's a cactus growing out of my suitcase."

'Now here's a place I like!'

'What I like best about a magnum of Champagne is, it's a controlled portion.'

'Tomorrow's special is fish, so wear the flounder suit.'

Courtyard of the Hotel de France, Montreuil.

"Would you prefer the talking or the non-talking section?"

Birds talking about package holiday makers - "Amazing how they find there way back every year."

"The candy on the pillow is a nicety of the house."

"The food here is excellent- what time is breakfast?"

Hotel with sign 'Home sweet temporary home'

The Suite Hereafter

'I'll have toast and he'll have a complete dog's breakfast.'

Mini Bar

"If you are a Democrat, Mrs. Hooper-Smith does the Macarena during your pancakes."

Biliard Enthusiast

'Bed & Bagel'

'What if I promise not to look?'

Special! Continental breakfast...$3.99: 'What continent is this suppose to represent - Antarctica!'

'Hello room service - can you come and tuck me in and read me a story please'

No early morning tea past this landing

A mini Kebab take-away and a minibar

"Once again, how little did you pay for this room?"

"Today's special is puréed sweet potato on cracker."

"After losing my partner, I felt lost until I realized I had not only an empty shell but also a short-term accommodation business."

'Rest assured, this hotel is second to none in providing for all the creature comforts.'

Excess Baggage: Many hotels, inspired by the airlines are gouging their guests by adding 'resort fees' to the room rates.