Hoteliers Gifts

Bed and Breakfast

'Well, we have to make up for the 51 weeks you're not here.'

"I see this place is very popular with tourist industry workers."

'Some hotels are doing so badly, they're stealing towels from the guests.'

"A bed tax for visitors is just a first step. To further stimulate tourism to the UK after Brexit, we'll charge you for leaving, the UK, e-mailing the UK, writing to the UK, calling the UK and finally, avoiding the UK altogether."

'He's not a pet. He's an endangered species.'

'Camping is nature's way of promoting B&Bs.'

'We earn extra money by renting out your office at night.'

'What was all that swerving at the cat walk?'

'Now here's a place I like!'

"This hotel room must be dry. There's a cactus growing out of my suitcase."

'What I like best about a magnum of Champagne is, it's a controlled portion.'

Courtyard of the Hotel de France, Montreuil.

'Tomorrow's special is fish, so wear the flounder suit.'

"Tracy Island offers palatial splendour in the safest of environments. Your beds are unmade because this is Tracy Emin Island."

"Would you prefer the talking or the non-talking section?"

Birds talking about package holiday makers - "Amazing how they find there way back every year."

"The candy on the pillow is a nicety of the house."

"The food here is excellent- what time is breakfast?"

'I'll have toast and he'll have a complete dog's breakfast.'

Hotel with sign 'Home sweet temporary home'

The Suite Hereafter

"If you are a Democrat, Mrs. Hooper-Smith does the Macarena during your pancakes."

Mini Bar

'Hello room service - can you come and tuck me in and read me a story please'

'Bed & Bagel'

Special! Continental breakfast...$3.99: 'What continent is this suppose to represent - Antarctica!'

'What if I promise not to look?'

Biliard Enthusiast

No early morning tea past this landing

A mini Kebab take-away and a minibar

"Today's special is puréed sweet potato on cracker."

"Once again, how little did you pay for this room?"

French 75s at the Stafford

The trips postponed by La Covid continue