Hotel Keeper Gifts

Experientia Docet.

'Harold, when was the last time you cleaned the pool?!'

"I didn't spark joy."

'We earn extra money by renting out your office at night.'

Housewife feeding her washing machine with a brief.

"It's a smart hamper that sucks up clothes. My mom claims I leave my clothes on the floor, so she has it follow me wherever I go."

'Tomorrow's special is fish, so wear the flounder suit.'

Things my vacuum likes to suck up

Courtyard of the Hotel de France, Montreuil.

Musical Accompaniment to Household Chores.

'I just finished the floors, so they better stay clean!'

"Next time don't use a herbed vinegar."

'It comes with three settings. Single, Married, and Children.'

Cook and her Maids

'Nobody minds if I take the ocean view suite with complimentary champagne and Sven, the in-room Swedish masseur, do they?'

"Have you been using 'Vanish' again?"

"Tracy Island offers palatial splendour in the safest of environments. Your beds are unmade because this is Tracy Emin Island."

Bathroom Fairy

"The candy on the pillow is a nicety of the house."

'It started out as just a little knot on the floor,'

"The food here is excellent- what time is breakfast?"

"Like you, I was lost...then I found Jesus!"

'I'll have toast and he'll have a complete dog's breakfast.'

'It's first flush Darjeeling darling!'

"I spent the whole day cleaning the house. My cleaning lady comes tomorrow and I didn't want her seeing things like that!"

The Suite Hereafter

"The mint on the pillow was nice, but I'd prefer a chocolate fudge brownie."

"...when you're through in there, my kids room could use a demonstration too."

"And it comes with a coin filter for when you vacuum under the cushions."

Hotel with sign 'Home sweet temporary home'

'You only said to bring home a feather duster. You never said what kind.'

TV and cleaner

"Since we installed the video surveillance system we're losing fewer socks."

Mini Bar

Clearing the castle's moat.