Hotel Maid Gifts

'Sanitized for your protection.'

'Tomorrow's special is fish, so wear the flounder suit.'

Courtyard of the Hotel de France, Montreuil.

"Tracy Island offers palatial splendour in the safest of environments. Your beds are unmade because this is Tracy Emin Island."

"The election's over, Trump won, the illegals are being deported and I'm here for one of them there high-paying American jobs he promised."

Cook and her Maids

Joyce could certainly handle her drink!

Slow Night

This is the last time I ask Peterson to dust for prints.

'No need for pump action, Al - it's the wife.'

'Okay then, what's the price break on TWENTY drinks?'

'Nobody minds if I take the ocean view suite with complimentary champagne and Sven, the in-room Swedish masseur, do they?'

Womb service: A special room service for pregnant Women

'I'll have toast and he'll have a complete dog's breakfast.'

"Me, I think Master and Mistress are incompetent: why else would they need a butler, 3 maids, 2 cooks, 5 gardeners, a pool boy and 2 personal assistants?"

"The mint on the pillow was nice, but I'd prefer a chocolate fudge brownie."

"You're going to regret this in the morning."

Do you think room service could bring me an ice lolly?

The Suite Hereafter

"Walking to the pub takes me 5 minutes, but 20 minutes to walk home." "The difference is staggering."

Hotel with sign 'Home sweet temporary home'

'It's first flush Darjeeling darling!'

Mini Bar

In the art gallery

'What if I promise not to look?'

'No Sir, it's not sunny here all the time. Never at night.'

'Hello room service - can you come and tuck me in and read me a story please'

"Welcome to the French Quarter!"

Mouse Sidewalk Cafe

The Inn Keeper's Wife and Daughter taking care of the Don after being beaten and bruised.

A declaration - man tells a girl that she has stolen his heart.

"What already?! You're the one who told me I needed professional help."

Special! Continental breakfast...$3.99: 'What continent is this suppose to represent - Antarctica!'

Cook being told what to do by housemaid

"Look at the state of this place! Don't you ever use that thing to sweep up?!"