Hotel Manager Pillows

"Here's your room key, and here's your mountain view."

Concierge in Heaven

'Tomorrow morning I would like breakfast in bed.'

"Lucky you. We've just had a cancelation."

'I know you said this was a four star hotel, but I didn't expect to see them through a hole in my ceiling!'

'And there's extra blankets if you need them.'

Eloise Revisited

'There aren't any towels in room 211.'

'I know we asked for a room with running water,but...'

"...frankly, Mrs. Roach, I think you'd get more business if you changed your name."

'Hello room service - could you please send up something for me to roll in?'

"If I promise to come back serval times, can I get the group rate?"

"The sands are not golden."

Bed & Breakfast

Live Elevator Music 3-7:30.

'Less important people...'

Mini Bar

''Man with no name' or not, you have to sign the register.'

"What idiot hired that floating head as a bellboy?"

'In true pirate tradition all of our sails are made entirely from stolen hotel towels.'

Bedbug Hotel Reviews

"I'm so tired I can't think straight. Give me a room that's idiot-proof."

British Tourist Threatening French Innkeeper.

BOOZE & SNOOZE: 'It's a bed and breakfast with a liquor license.'

"You cleaned out your desk so efficiently you've been rehired and placed in charge of Housekeeping."

'I'd like to leave a wake-up call for high noon.'

I wish to complain. Someone left a chocolate on my pillow!

'Reservations.'

Man in small hotel room phones room service: 'Room service? Send me up more room.'

'Are you 'inn-experienced'?'

Posh man jumps out of a burning building into a rainstorm with a doorman holding an umbrella for him.

Bled and Breakfast (inside window you can see a bed of nails).

'Waiter, this jam tastes of fish!'

'The motel was nothing fancy but it was clean and they were too tired and hungry to care....'

And another thing...someone left this small chocolate on my pillow!