Staying At A Hotel Pillows

Mini Bar

'What if I promise not to look?'

'He's not a pet. He's an endangered species.'

"Honey, do these sweatpants make me look like I prefer we stay in tonight so I can watch the game?"

'Camping is nature's way of promoting B&Bs.'

'What was all that swerving at the cat walk?'

'Now here's a place I like!'

"This hotel room must be dry. There's a cactus growing out of my suitcase."

'What I like best about a magnum of Champagne is, it's a controlled portion.'

"On New Year's Eve, Clement and I stayed up all night drinking. Tea, of course."

Love is when you watch television together.

Birds talking about package holiday makers - "Amazing how they find there way back every year."

"There goes our early night."

"The mint on the pillow was nice, but I'd prefer a chocolate fudge brownie."

The Suite Hereafter

'I'm tired of roaming the earth. Can we just stay home tonight?'

Hotel with sign 'Home sweet temporary home'

"If you are a Democrat, Mrs. Hooper-Smith does the Macarena during your pancakes."

'Bed & Bagel'

'Hello room service - can you come and tuck me in and read me a story please'

Biliard Enthusiast

A mini Kebab take-away and a minibar

Bed and Breakfast

"Once again, how little did you pay for this room?"

"After losing my partner, I felt lost until I realized I had not only an empty shell but also a short-term accommodation business."

'Oh, the amenity!'

Excess Baggage: Many hotels, inspired by the airlines are gouging their guests by adding 'resort fees' to the room rates.

'Front desk? Someone came in my room and ate the little candies on my pillow.'

Cut out and keep your own Room Service.

"Here’s the thermostat. Like all hotel thermostats, it’s just for show."

Seal blubber stew

'look at this hotel. They leave a ball of yarn on your pillow!'

" ....you didn't say wanted one that worked."

'I don't know if we should stay there, dear. That kennel only got two stars.'

'What gave him this idea?'